Paris Hilton Swears Off Sex for a Year  —  Paris Hilton, who has been linked to a string of rich and famous men, wants to set the record straight about her sexy image.  —  "People think I sleep with everyone, but I'm not like that," the Simple Life star and hotel heiress tells British GQ in its September issue.

The reinvention of Christina Aguilera  —  She rode the teen pop boom to stardom, then stripped down to a pouty, raunchier image that earned her the handle "Xtina."  But that was merely the opening act for this newly hitched, multiplatinum-selling bottle-blonde.

Mohr, 'Last Comic' Make Up  —  Comedian to appear on season finale  —  LOS ANGELES — Whatever hard feelings Jay Mohr had toward NBC and "Last Comic Standing" have apparently eased.  —  Mohr, who co-created the show and hosted its first three incarnations, will return to "Last Comic" in its season finale on Wednesday, Aug. 9.

Carmen Electra is The New Anna Nicole  —  Anna Nicole Smith allegedly lost all her excess blubber by using the weight loss supplement TrimSpa.  Now Carmen Electra is claiming the secret to her slammin' body is not due to good genes, marathon gym sessions or a strict diet, but to a miracle pill named NV.

Jessica Simpson's Breasts Want You to See Her New Movie  —  Once again, the Hollywood marketing machine has commandeered Jessica Simpson's breasts for their nefarious promotional schemes.  First it was to promote her new album, and now, the trailer for Jessica's new movie …

'No nuptials' for Jenny McCarthy  —  Jenny McCarthy has denied that she is set to marry Jim Carrey.  —  The former Playboy Playmate says she is 'very, very happy' with the funnyman, but there are no wedding bells in earshot.  —  'Our dynamic is great,' Jenny told People magazine.  'It's a lot of laughing.'

Introducing The New Jen  —  In a possible case of art imitating life, Life & Style speculates that Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn may be calling it quits.  Sky Showbiz has more info on the real-life version of "The Break-Up.": … If this is true, get ready for some more magazine covers …

BED WETTER  —  WILL Ferrell isn't into watersports.  In town to launch "Talladega Nights," the funnyman took his family to Bed New York for a quiet cocktail when a fight with water guns and ice buckets broke out.  The overheated scenesters on the roof deck were "running around like inebriated kids at recess," said one source.

Britney Spears is Deep  —  All you ever need to know about Britney Spears is in this video (from 'Chaotic').  She's an idiot.  I really don't know how else to say it.  Kevin Federline sounds like he's trying to explain governing dynamics to a parrot.  A parrot who's in a coma.

COBAIN'S PAJAMA SURPRISE  —  Frances Bean Cobain stunned photographers on a new Elle magazine photo shoot when she turned up wearing her late father Kurt Cobain's old pajamas.  —  The shoot featured celebrity offspring wearing the clothes of their rock 'n' roll parents …

Don't Look Directly at Mary-Kate  —  Mary-Kate Olsen, who usually does everything in her power to keep her face shielded from the photogs, was snapped yesterday hanging out at the Chateau Marmont hotel in Hollywood.  —  Mary-Kate's eyes actually make a rare appearance in this photo …

MEL-IBU  —  A cheeky late-night graffiti artist is taking the mickey out of Mel Gibson in the star's own town.  The welcome sign to the exclusive beach community where Gibson lives now reads: "Welcome to Mel-ibu. 27 miles of scenic beauty."  The sign takes the mickey out of comments …

Mandy Moore: New Album!!  —  Mandy has the Munchies  —  Mandy Moore was spotted grabbing a bite to eat with one of her agents in Los Angeles this past Tuesday.  Mandy currently working hard in the studio and is looking to release her album sometime next year including (not finalized) …

Bastardly Breaking News!  Denise Richards needs help carrying her bags!  —  inked 5 hours, 34 minutes ago by Jackson, late in the bastardly morning  —  Someone get out there and help the lady with her bags!  Maybe you'll get a nice tip at the end????  —  Read the rest of this Bastardly entry »

Lohan's Supposed Brush With Paparazzi  —  Hmm...real or not, this isn't really too compelling one way or the other, but does warrant further inspection just because.  Perez Hilton posted this e-mail he claims to have received from La Lohan: … Those fortunate people in the Middle East …

A Friend of a Friendz Weddin' Portraits  —  Hey Gayz!  So, our friend Fred Torres just got back from St. Tropez.  We heard he was there and when he called we were so excited to hear from him and became even more excited when he said the reason he was in St. Tropez!  —  SEE FOR YOUSELF!