Paris Hilton Swears Off Sex for a Year  —  Paris Hilton, who has been linked to a string of rich and famous men, wants to set the record straight about her sexy image.  —  "People think I sleep with everyone, but I'm not like that," the Simple Life star and hotel heiress tells British GQ in its September issue.

Julia Roberts, Hausfrau or Pretty Woman?  —  America's Sweetheart looks pretty much like any other mom grocery shopping without makeup and wearing her slightly too-sensible shoes.  Girlfriend even brings a shopping list.  Either this is some Oscar-worthy acting or Mrs. Moder is really just a down-to-earth woman ...

Mel Gibson Has Israeli Bodyguard  —  Mel Gibson may have a problem with Jews — they're responsible for all the wars, they've inflated the number of dead in the Holocaust, etc.  —  But Gibson likes one Jewish person a lot.  His personal bodyguard for more than a decade turns out to be an Israeli.

Maddox Birthday Party!!!!!  —  Happy Birthday Maddox!  —  Maddox Chivan Jolie-Pitt celebrates his 5th birthday today.  Happy birthday to one of the luckiest tykes alive!  —  Think daddy Brad Pitt and mommy Angelina Jolie are throwing a big birthday bash for their big boy?  FYI ::

The reinvention of Christina Aguilera  —  She rode the teen pop boom to stardom, then stripped down to a pouty, raunchier image that earned her the handle "Xtina."  But that was merely the opening act for this newly hitched, multiplatinum-selling bottle-blonde.

Mohr, 'Last Comic' Make Up  —  Comedian to appear on season finale  —  LOS ANGELES — Whatever hard feelings Jay Mohr had toward NBC and "Last Comic Standing" have apparently eased.  —  Mohr, who co-created the show and hosted its first three incarnations, will return to "Last Comic" in its season finale on Wednesday, Aug. 9.

Jessica Simpson's Breasts Want You to See Her New Movie  —  Once again, the Hollywood marketing machine has commandeered Jessica Simpson's breasts for their nefarious promotional schemes.  First it was to promote her new album, and now, the trailer for Jessica's new movie …

'No nuptials' for Jenny McCarthy  —  Jenny McCarthy has denied that she is set to marry Jim Carrey.  —  The former Playboy Playmate says she is 'very, very happy' with the funnyman, but there are no wedding bells in earshot.  —  'Our dynamic is great,' Jenny told People magazine.  'It's a lot of laughing.'

BED WETTER  —  WILL Ferrell isn't into watersports.  In town to launch "Talladega Nights," the funnyman took his family to Bed New York for a quiet cocktail when a fight with water guns and ice buckets broke out.  The overheated scenesters on the roof deck were "running around like inebriated kids at recess," said one source.

COBAIN'S PAJAMA SURPRISE  —  Frances Bean Cobain stunned photographers on a new Elle magazine photo shoot when she turned up wearing her late father Kurt Cobain's old pajamas.  —  The shoot featured celebrity offspring wearing the clothes of their rock 'n' roll parents …

Leo DiCaprio & Cat Deeley?  —  Is Leonardo DiCaprio dating So You Think You Can Dance? host, Cat Deeley?  The pair have been seen out on a few dates in Los Angeles.  Just last week, Leo was seen with his ex-girlfriend, Gisele Bundchen.  —  The pair met at a Beverly Hills restaurant …

Carmen Electra is The New Anna Nicole  —  Anna Nicole Smith allegedly lost all her excess blubber by using the weight loss supplement TrimSpa.  Now Carmen Electra is claiming the secret to her slammin' body is not due to good genes, marathon gym sessions or a strict diet, but to a miracle pill named NV.

Don't Look Directly at Mary-Kate  —  Mary-Kate Olsen, who usually does everything in her power to keep her face shielded from the photogs, was snapped yesterday hanging out at the Chateau Marmont hotel in Hollywood.  —  Mary-Kate's eyes actually make a rare appearance in this photo …

MEL-IBU  —  A cheeky late-night graffiti artist is taking the mickey out of Mel Gibson in the star's own town.  The welcome sign to the exclusive beach community where Gibson lives now reads: "Welcome to Mel-ibu. 27 miles of scenic beauty."  The sign takes the mickey out of comments …

Introducing The New Jen  —  In a possible case of art imitating life, Life & Style speculates that Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn may be calling it quits.  Sky Showbiz has more info on the real-life version of "The Break-Up.": … If this is true, get ready for some more magazine covers …

Bastardly Breaking News!  Denise Richards needs help carrying her bags!  —  inked 5 hours, 34 minutes ago by Jackson, late in the bastardly morning  —  Someone get out there and help the lady with her bags!  Maybe you'll get a nice tip at the end????  —  Read the rest of this Bastardly entry »

Penelope Cruz Reveals That She Too Has Met Suri  —  The list of celebrities who have seen Suri Cruise keeps getting stranger and stranger.  First we had Leah Remini who said Suri "looks like Tom and Katie.  She's just beautiful."  Then we had Jada Pinkett Smith who said …

Britney Spears is Deep  —  All you ever need to know about Britney Spears is in this video (from 'Chaotic').  She's an idiot.  I really don't know how else to say it.  Kevin Federline sounds like he's trying to explain governing dynamics to a parrot.  A parrot who's in a coma.