Paris Hilton bitten by pet kinkajou  —  LOS ANGELES - Paris Hilton got no love this week from her pet kinkajou Baby Luv — in fact, the racoon-like animal bit her.  The heiress was not badly hurt but did visit a hospital emergency room to receive a tetanus shot, her publicist, Elliot Mintz, told The Associated Press on Friday.

Mike Douglas, former TV show host, dies  —  WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - Mike Douglas, who drew on his affable personality and singing talent during 21 years as host of a syndicated television talk show, died Friday on his 81st birthday, his wife said.  —  He died at 5:30 a.m. at a Palm Beach Gardens hospital, Genevieve Douglas said.

Beckham Gets Booted  —  It's a good thing he's got a fragrance in the works, cause it looks like David Beckham's going to be having a little more free time on his hands coming up here pretty soon.  Page Six has the scoop about a huge announcement concerning the British soccer superstar:

US WEEKLY STANDS FIRM ON ANISTON/VAUGHN ENGAGEMENT STORY  —  The editors of Us Weekly magazine are refusing to back down after their headline-making news about a Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn engagement was slammed by the actress' publicist.  —  Aniston's spokesman Stephen Huvane attacked …

Curiouser & Curiouser  —  It looks like it's gonna be a slow newsday ... but we'll make the best of it ... let's get to it ...  In case you weren't sufficiently horrified yesterday by the first grainy pics of the supposed baby Suri Holmes Cruise allegedly borne of the sexual union of Tom Cruise …

Britney's 'I'm ugly' video  —  A bizarre video of Britney Spears belching and ranting at her husband has shocked fans worldwide.  —  The pop star - who appears confused as she speaks to the camera - moans about being ugly and whinges at husband Kevin Federline while eating what appears to be takeaway chicken and chips.

You're Not Going To Find Beyonce in Britain  —  Beyonce is a bit too scared to travel to the UK.  It seems that even though the British thwarted a plane full of terrorists from landing on our shores, she's not willing to take any chances. … I urge you all to say a little prayer for Beyonce's single to do well in the UK tonight.

Fill In The Blank  —  Hollywood's hottest closeted lesbian sits on her stoop in NYC, earlier this week.  —  Jodie Foster's finger smells like ________.

Boo!  It's Tyra Banks and Nicole Richie  —  Here are Tyra Banks and Nicole Richie filming a segment for Tyra's show.  Now did Halloween come early cuz' I see a couple of witches.  Man, I don't think I've ever seen two celebrities look so bad together since Liza Minnelli and David Gest.

K-Fed's Shifty Eyes  —  You're Kevin Federline.  You've ensured a lifetime free from the burdens of work or even making an effort simply by marrying eighty light-years over your head and immediately producing a litter of kids.  No DJ booth in the world can seem to keep you out …

Jordan's Breasts are Gigantic!  —  Jordan just signed a multi-million dollar deal with Panache to be the "chest" of their new range of bras for big-chested women.  She has started by modeling a line based on sweets.  She was extremely surprised when she was professionally measured by the label.

Gillian Anderson Talks About Pregnancy  —  Former X-Files star Gillian Anderson, who is expecting her second child, has opened up about her pregnancy on her personal Web site.  —  "I am pregnant; which I have no doubt many of you know," Anderson, 38, writes on her site's "Latest News" page.

Tucker, Tucker, Sexy Mutha ...  Sources tell TMZ that the rumors are true: MSNBC host Tucker Carlson will be joining the cast of the new season of "Dancing with the Stars."  —  Carlson, whose usual TV appearances involve politicians dancing around his questions, will now get to do some serious steppin' of his own.

Worst Dressed of the Day  —  Mischa has been looking fabulous all week in Australia promoting spring and summer collections at David Jones.  But then this - WTF was she thinking last night at the premiere of Cirque Du Soleil in Sydney?  I still think she looks cute with that little smirk on her face …

Lindsay Lohan's Unwanted Pen Pal  —  Lindsay Lohan has reached another important milestone in her celebrity career—her very first (alleged) stalker.  —  The 20-year-old actress has reportedly been receiving some unwelcome attention from a man who has been sending her letters asking to meet …

Kristen Bell is OK!  —  In news that isn't really news, Kristen Bell is doing fine after she didn't really hurt herself on Wednesday.  The Veronica Mars cutie was rushed to the hospital after she slammed a car door on her hand, and feared she had broken it, but she didn't.