Kevin Federline's TV rap debut panned  —  NEW YORK - Kevin Federline's TV debut as a rapper is getting derided as a not-ready-for-prime-time disaster by critics in cyberspace and the hip-hop community.  —  On Sunday, Federline — also known as K-Fed and Mr. Britney Spears — performed his new single …

From the pen of Lindsay's dad  —  Prison inmate Michael Lohan is dipping his toe in the shark-infested waters of editorial cartooning.  —  Lindsay Lohan's dad - serving time at the Collins Correctional Facility outside Buffalo - has just sent Lowdown an epic drawing depicting his troubled relationship …

'JACKASS' TUNE SLIMES JESSICA  —  ONLY a jackass would stoop to crude sexual innuendo about Jessica Simpson - and that's exactly what Chris Pontius, one of Johnny Knoxville's doofy daredevil stuntmen in the upcoming "Jackass: Number Two," has done.  —  A source tells us Pontius has penned …

The Three Amigos: Trouble In Paradise?  —  Could it be splitsville for Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong, celebdom's most visible new BFFs?  A report today in the New York Daily News' Ben Widdicombe says that Jake Gyllenhaal has edged out Matt for the plum role of playing Lance …

Brittany Murphy, Fiancé End Engagement  —  Brittany Murphy and Joe Macaluso, engaged since last New Year's Eve, have broken off their engagement, PEOPLE has learned exclusively.  —  The two "have amicably ended their engagement.  They remain close friends and wish each other much happiness," a rep for Murphy tells PEOPLE.

PARIS HILTON SELLS HERSELF ON YOUTUBE  —  Last night at Hyde, Paris Hilton and YouTube were crowded into a bathroom stall, finishing off the last of Tube's eightball (please, you think Paris is sharing her stash?) while killing time waiting for their plate fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies …

Officials say Madonna's liquid plan is all wet  —  Plus: Ashton Kutcher knows his place, as Demi Moore's accessory  —  When Madonna isn't busy being crucified in concert or horseback riding in the English countryside, she wants to use the powers of Kabbalah to rid the world of nuclear waste.

Live Rattlesnakes Released In 'Snakes On A Plane' Theater  —  Two live diamondback rattlesnakes were released in an Arizona movie theater during a showing of the new film "Snakes on a Plane," according to Local 6 News.  —  Authorities said pranksters released the young venomous rattlesnakes …

Natalie Portman is a Brunette Again, and Still Not Wearing a Bra  —  There are a lot of reasons I like Natalie Portman, not least of which is the fact that she rarely seems to wear a bra.  It's not a big thing, but there is definitely something sexy about a girl who doesn't.

ALL EYES ON 'SNL' - AGAIN  —  AUDITIONS NEXT WEEK  —  WHAT's going on be hind the scenes at "Saturday Night Live" this month may be more dramatic than any thing you'll see on the two prime-time shows starting this fall based on the famed late-night comedy.

Break  —  Talk about bringing sexy back (and now, thanks to Justin's song we're gonna be using that phrase for quite some time now), here are amazing new pictures of Jude Law playing a little game of cricket with some friends on the beach over the weekend ...

James Blunt Gets His Rocks Off  —  Singer James Blunt has purchased a gun that shoots rocks at his fans.  This is no stunt that you will see at a concert of the 32 year- old Brit.  He has purchased the weapon to scare away crazed fans from his holiday retreat in Ibiza.

What the Hell Happened to Amanda Bynes?  —  Okay, first of all, I'm not calling Amanda Bynes fat.  I'm well aware that doing so would be extremely premature, unfair, and potentially libelous.  However, I will ask you, what the hell happened to Amanda Bynes.

Oops!  Pete's otherwise engaged  —  Did supermodel-loving junkie Pete Doherty miss his own wedding Saturday?  —  His girlfriend, Kate Moss, flew 14 close friends, including her brother Nick, to a resort in Bali last week, causing widespread speculation the couple was planning to get married.

Nick and Vanessa off to NYC  —  Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo took their love to the skies yesterday as they left Los Angeles and headed to New York City.  If I were Nick I would not be wearing camouflage pants to the airport at the moment, it probably sends the wrong message to security.

Kate Hudson Pulls Out of UK Premiere  —  Kate Hudson may be rearranging her plans while on her cell phone.  She has pulled out of the UK premiere of You, Me, and Dupree to avoid any awkwardness surrounding the recent announcement of her divorce.  Better yet, to avoid any speculation about her possible affair with her co-star, Owen.

ICYMI: Lohan's Family Circus  —  (Click image to view larger size.)  —  Jail can be a pretty boring place, which explains Michael Lohan's bizarre foray into satirical cartooning.  Sitting helplessly in his cell, Lindsay Lohan's daddy must rely on the power of his mighty pen if he hopes …

Beyonce Postponed  —  It's been a hard-knock life for Beyonce lately.  As her latest album hasn't made too many fans, and the reviews have not been kind to her either.  Her two latest singles haven't made the traditional bootylicious impression, and her music video caused a petition to further put salt in the wound.

Hulk Hogan is Still Yellow  —  It must suck to be Hulk Hogan's fluffer.  Somebody got him ready to go out and sport his appropriately colored banana hammock and you know it wasn't that wife of his.  She looks more like Rex Kwan Do's wife, Starla, in Napoleon Dynamite than anything resembling …

Is Ben Affleck's Movie Curse Over?  —  For a while there, it seemed like everything Ben Affleck touched turned to crap.  But things may be looking up for the former member of a little something we like to call "Bennifer."  In his new movie, "Hollywoodland," Ben takes on the role …