The Excremental Suri  —  We may not know what Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' daughter looks like on the outside, but her insides are about to become a little less mysterious.  —  Turning "fine art" into what may be the most subjective term in the world, a bronze sculpture entitled Suri's Bronzed Baby Poop …

SET UP, FED UP  —  GWEN Stefani has had it with the MTV Video Music Awards.  The "No Doubt" cutie is said to be "boycotting" tomorrow's show because of the shoddy treatment she got last year.  "She had a ton of nominations and was under the impression she would be taking home at least one award," our insider said.

Project 'serious' Katie  —  Gone is the perky look as Couric gets set to drop anchor at CBS  —  If we didn't suspect already that TV is about style over substance, CBS closed the case by airbrushing 3 inches off Katie Couric's waist in her new publicity shots.

CLEANING UP LINDSAY'S ACT  —  BILLION-heir Harry Morton is trying his best to save Lindsay Lohan from herself - and it looks like he's doing a good job.  "Harry has told her not to drink so much and is trying to calm her down," said our spy.  Lohan was scheduled to hit town …

Lindsay Lohan's Bringing Sexy Back  —  Take it to the chorus.  —  If you're Lindsay Lohan's pal and you've been a little down lately, you've probably received a sexy surprise in the mail to brighten your day.  According to Life Style Extra: … More photos of Lindsay Lohan …

Jessica Simpson's New Man: John Mayer  —  Jessica Simpson is embarking on a not-so-public affair — with singer-songwriter John Mayer, PEOPLE has confirmed.  —  "She's tiptoeing back into the dating world," a source tells PEOPLE.  "It's the first stage.  She's never been happier."

Colin Farrell's Alleged Stalker Kept Away  —  Colin Farrell has obtained a three-year restraining order against a woman who confronted him during a July 20 taping of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.  —  The preliminary injunction - which will expire in August 2009 - was issued …

Matt Leinart To Be a Dad  —  Football star Matt Leinart is going to be father.  The Arizona Cardinals quarterback and USC women's basketball player Brynn Cameron are expecting a baby in the fall.  —  Leinart, one of PEOPLE's Most Beautiful People this year, graduated from USC in December 2005 …

Lindsay's dad speaks out on his pop art  —  Prison inmate Michael Lohan has finally provided his authoritative take on his cartoon (below) about his troubled relationship with daughter Lindsay.  —  In the week since Lowdown published it, the drawing has inspired much media speculation and even a parody or two.

Finally Sperminated???  —  There's been the non-stop baby talk for a while now!  But, Nicole Kidman definitely showed off a sizable bump in her belly while on vacation with her mom and pop this past weekend in Vancouver.

Chestica Simpson Tells a Lame Joke  —  Chestica Simpson thought she was being cute at a Yahoo! party for her album A Public Affair in NYC last night.  The sign really should've said "I Lost My Talent" or better yet "I Lost My Anal Virginity to John Mayer."  —  Even though she's lost her voice …

Lachey, DiScala Buy Basketball Team  —  Nick Lachey and A.J. DiScala have long been friends, and now they're business partners in the perfect venture: The two sports fans are starting a basketball team.  —  They, along with a group of celebrity owners, on Tuesday announced the formation of …

Say it ain't so, Joe:  —  Piscopo split gets ugly  —  The laughter has definitely gone out of Joe Piscopo's marriage now that the former "Saturday Night Live" star and wife Kimberly are divorcing.  —  A Hunterdon County (N.J.) Family Court judge issued temporary restraining orders …

Hilary Swank has a "new" boyfriend, but she's been with him for a while now.  —  Back in late April we reported that Hilary Swank was seen out jogging with a new guy, and that he may have been a friend or trainer.  She had filed for divorce from Chad at that point, but they made a couple …

Performances Tonight!  —  Damn there are some funny rumors around regarding the show.  First of all, I don't know who Janet Charlton is, but I do know who she isn't.  She aint no Perez Hilton, that's for sure.  At least with Perez, you get humor and the rumors are at least based in SOME fact.

Angelina Jolie Angers Brad's Mom  —  Angelina Jolie reportedly offended Brad Pitt's mother by drinking at son Maddox's fifth birthday party.  —  Brad's family flew in from their hometown in Missouri to visit granddaughter Shiloh Nouvel but allegedly left early because they were unhappy with her behavior at the party.

Rosie Drops Some Pre-"View" Details  —  Just days before her debut on "The View," Rosie O'Donnell is dropping some details about her new gig on her ever-active blog at rosie.com.  Among other things, we learn that she's taking Meredith Vieira's dressing room, that ABC is already prepping …