The Excremental Suri  —  We may not know what Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' daughter looks like on the outside, but her insides are about to become a little less mysterious.  —  Turning "fine art" into what may be the most subjective term in the world, a bronze sculpture entitled Suri's Bronzed Baby Poop …

SET UP, FED UP  —  GWEN Stefani has had it with the MTV Video Music Awards.  The "No Doubt" cutie is said to be "boycotting" tomorrow's show because of the shoddy treatment she got last year.  "She had a ton of nominations and was under the impression she would be taking home at least one award," our insider said.

Let's Hope the News on CBS is Real  —  IS CBS telling Katie Couric to lose some weight?  They seriously photoshopped about 20 lbs off the news anchor for her new promo ads.  The original picture was taken at the May upfronts and the image on the right is updated thanks to the help of Photoshop.

Jennifer Aniston, The Nike Swoosh and The Super Bowl?  —  Jennifer Aniston certainly has the toned body to promote physical fitness.  The Hollywood actress know to many as "America's Sweetheart" just won a strange scientific study where her legs were dubbed "ideal"  —  Fair enough - she has great gams.

Jessica Simpson In 2045  —  Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, it does.  I'm seriously at a loss for words with these new pictures of Jessica Simpson promoting her album in New York City.  You know, first it was the red lipstick on the teeth and now it's these awful outfits (including the ridiculous Gucci sunglasses).

Lindsay's dad speaks out on his pop art  —  Prison inmate Michael Lohan has finally provided his authoritative take on his cartoon (below) about his troubled relationship with daughter Lindsay.  —  In the week since Lowdown published it, the drawing has inspired much media speculation and even a parody or two.

Viacom to Cruise: Once You're Dead You Stay Dead  —  Spike TV, Viacom's network for straight guys who can't count up to 45, will be airing former Viacom employee Tom Cruise's opus Top Gun this week.  Again.  How's the channel approaching it?  —  Ouch.  We can't wait to see how they treat Magnolia.

CLEANING UP LINDSAY'S ACT  —  BILLION-heir Harry Morton is trying his best to save Lindsay Lohan from herself - and it looks like he's doing a good job.  "Harry has told her not to drink so much and is trying to calm her down," said our spy.  Lohan was scheduled to hit town …

Say it ain't so, Joe:  —  Piscopo split gets ugly  —  The laughter has definitely gone out of Joe Piscopo's marriage now that the former "Saturday Night Live" star and wife Kimberly are divorcing.  —  A Hunterdon County (N.J.) Family Court judge issued temporary restraining orders …

Vince Trims Down  —  Vince looks like he is really getting into shape.  Perhaps a coffee after a workout is a new super diet.  Maybe he is losing the weight to prepare for his upcoming wedding that they are denying.  Who knows but we likey this version of Vince.  —  Source

Michelle Trachtenberg's Ass: Coming to a Theatre Near You  —  So, I need to admit something.  I don't always pay as close attention as I should.  While reading the blogs I read everyday, I'll generally skim the content for anything that pops out at me, but I don't usually go through everything word for word.

Lucy Lawless: Celebrity Duets  —  Celebrity Duets Hits Low Note  —  Fox claimed the top spot last night in the coveted 18 to 49 age group thanks to Celebrity Duets.  But wasn't it a snoozefest?  Did anyone else catch last night's premiere?  —  I was really into it when the gorgeous …

Matt Leinart To Be a Dad  —  Football star Matt Leinart is going to be father.  The Arizona Cardinals quarterback and USC women's basketball player Brynn Cameron are expecting a baby in the fall.  —  Leinart, one of PEOPLE's Most Beautiful People this year, graduated from USC in December 2005 …

Lachey, DiScala Buy Basketball Team  —  Nick Lachey and A.J. DiScala have long been friends, and now they're business partners in the perfect venture: The two sports fans are starting a basketball team.  —  They, along with a group of celebrity owners, on Tuesday announced the formation of …

Rosie Drops Some Pre-"View" Details  —  Just days before her debut on "The View," Rosie O'Donnell is dropping some details about her new gig on her ever-active blog at rosie.com.  Among other things, we learn that she's taking Meredith Vieira's dressing room, that ABC is already prepping …

Haley Joel Mugs for Cop Cam  —  Haley Joel Osment's photo op at a cop shop earlier this month proves one thing — celebs have figured out how to take a good mugshot.  —  Osment was arrested on August 18, a month after he crashed his 1995 Saturn into a brick pillar in Los Angeles.

Colin Farrell's Alleged Stalker Kept Away  —  Colin Farrell has obtained a three-year restraining order against a woman who confronted him during a July 20 taping of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.  —  The preliminary injunction - which will expire in August 2009 - was issued …

Performances Tonight!  —  Damn there are some funny rumors around regarding the show.  First of all, I don't know who Janet Charlton is, but I do know who she isn't.  She aint no Perez Hilton, that's for sure.  At least with Perez, you get humor and the rumors are at least based in SOME fact.

Chestica Simpson Tells a Lame Joke  —  Chestica Simpson thought she was being cute at a Yahoo! party for her album A Public Affair in NYC last night.  The sign really should've said "I Lost My Talent" or better yet "I Lost My Anal Virginity to John Mayer."  —  Even though she's lost her voice …