The Excremental Suri  —  We may not know what Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' daughter looks like on the outside, but her insides are about to become a little less mysterious.  —  Turning "fine art" into what may be the most subjective term in the world, a bronze sculpture entitled Suri's Bronzed Baby Poop …

SET UP, FED UP  —  GWEN Stefani has had it with the MTV Video Music Awards.  The "No Doubt" cutie is said to be "boycotting" tomorrow's show because of the shoddy treatment she got last year.  "She had a ton of nominations and was under the impression she would be taking home at least one award," our insider said.

Jennifer Aniston, The Nike Swoosh and The Super Bowl?  —  Jennifer Aniston certainly has the toned body to promote physical fitness.  The Hollywood actress know to many as "America's Sweetheart" just won a strange scientific study where her legs were dubbed "ideal"  —  Fair enough - she has great gams.

Jacko Calls Janet "Fat Butt"  —  Janet Jackson has confessed that her sister, Michael Jackson, made her life a living hell when they were growing up.  She (Michael) constantly teased Janet for being a fat ass. … Janet recently lost a ton of weight [by having it sucked out with a wet vac] in preparation for her album release.

Lindsay's dad speaks out on his pop art  —  Prison inmate Michael Lohan has finally provided his authoritative take on his cartoon (below) about his troubled relationship with daughter Lindsay.  —  In the week since Lowdown published it, the drawing has inspired much media speculation and even a parody or two.

John Mayer Infects Jessica Simpson!!!  —  It doesn't take a genius to put two and two together and get ONE really interesting non-coincidence!  —  As we reported earlier, Jessica Simpson and fellow musician John Mayer are a hot new couple.  —  The two aren't confirming their relationship just yet...because they can't!

Lindsay Lohan's Bringing Sexy Back  —  Take it to the chorus.  —  If you're Lindsay Lohan's pal and you've been a little down lately, you've probably received a sexy surprise in the mail to brighten your day.  According to Life Style Extra: … More photos of Lindsay Lohan …

Michelle Trachtenberg's Ass: Coming to a Theatre Near You  —  So, I need to admit something.  I don't always pay as close attention as I should.  While reading the blogs I read everyday, I'll generally skim the content for anything that pops out at me, but I don't usually go through everything word for word.

Haley Joel Mugs for Cop Cam  —  Haley Joel Osment's photo op at a cop shop earlier this month proves one thing — celebs have figured out how to take a good mugshot.  —  Osment was arrested on August 18, a month after he crashed his 1995 Saturn into a brick pillar in Los Angeles.

CLEANING UP LINDSAY'S ACT  —  BILLION-heir Harry Morton is trying his best to save Lindsay Lohan from herself - and it looks like he's doing a good job.  "Harry has told her not to drink so much and is trying to calm her down," said our spy.  Lohan was scheduled to hit town …

Say it ain't so, Joe:  —  Piscopo split gets ugly  —  The laughter has definitely gone out of Joe Piscopo's marriage now that the former "Saturday Night Live" star and wife Kimberly are divorcing.  —  A Hunterdon County (N.J.) Family Court judge issued temporary restraining orders …

Adam Brody: Framing Store  —  Adam Brody Loves His Frame  —  Adam Brody was spotted yesterday afternoon at FrameStore, a Los Angeles picture frame dealer.  Adam, 25, was carrying a mailing tube from Paramount Studios, so he was probably getting a movie poster framed.  Yes, I know.  Big news!

Liv Tyler in Bed With 'Strangers'  —  Liv Tyler has signed to star in the suburban suspense thriller "Strangers."  The film is about a couple who live in remote area, who are targeted by three dangerous masked strangers.  So I'm guessing that the film is a thriller.

Jessica Simpson In 2045  —  Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, it does.  I'm seriously at a loss for words with these new pictures of Jessica Simpson promoting her album in New York City.  You know, first it was the red lipstick on the teeth and now it's these awful outfits (including the ridiculous Gucci sunglasses).

Jessica Biel's Back To Butch  —  It looks like Jessica Biel is done promoting her new movie The Illusionist because she's back to being a boy.  It's too bad because she was looking so good as a girl that I almost forgot the days when she could have treated me like a little bitch if she wanted to.

Vince Trims Down  —  Vince looks like he is really getting into shape.  Perhaps a coffee after a workout is a new super diet.  Maybe he is losing the weight to prepare for his upcoming wedding that they are denying.  Who knows but we likey this version of Vince.  —  Source

Matt Leinart To Be a Dad  —  Football star Matt Leinart is going to be father.  The Arizona Cardinals quarterback and USC women's basketball player Brynn Cameron are expecting a baby in the fall.  —  Leinart, one of PEOPLE's Most Beautiful People this year, graduated from USC in December 2005 …

Lucy Lawless: Celebrity Duets  —  Celebrity Duets Hits Low Note  —  Fox claimed the top spot last night in the coveted 18 to 49 age group thanks to Celebrity Duets.  But wasn't it a snoozefest?  Did anyone else catch last night's premiere?  —  I was really into it when the gorgeous …

Viacom to Cruise: Once You're Dead You Stay Dead  —  Spike TV, Viacom's network for straight guys who can't count up to 45, will be airing former Viacom employee Tom Cruise's opus Top Gun this week.  Again.  How's the channel approaching it?  —  Ouch.  We can't wait to see how they treat Magnolia.

Rosie Drops Some Pre-"View" Details  —  Just days before her debut on "The View," Rosie O'Donnell is dropping some details about her new gig on her ever-active blog at rosie.com.  Among other things, we learn that she's taking Meredith Vieira's dressing room, that ABC is already prepping …