LOHAN BACK IN POLE POSITION  —  LINDSAY Lohan got down and dirty at Scores West for three hours early yesterday - jumping onstage to do a wild bump-and-grind, then ushering topless dancers into the bathroom to apologize for recently calling them all "whores."

Eva Longoria's Lessons in a Romance Language  —  Eva Longoria may not be a housewife, but she is desperate for her France-raised fiancé Tony Parker to improve her French skills.  —  "He's terrible.  He always wants to speak English," Longoria, 31, told PEOPLE Thursday while in London to open the annual Harrods Winter Sale.

Bonaduce fights war on the home front  —  Danny Bonaduce got on the phone yesterday to discuss the latest round of his bizarre feud with 9/11 conspiracy theorists.  —  It started Dec. 7, when he granted a street interview to a video crew that happened on him by chance.

NICOLE IS HALF AN INCH WIDER THAN MARY-KATE...  good evening everyone!  so yeah it's looking like mary-kate olsen is becoming too thin once again (she did a stint in rehab back in '04) it does suck for her to be splashed all over the tabloids but if the 'attention' does help to spotlight …

Rosie O'Donnell Compares Donald Trump to a 'Pimp'  —  The holiday truce between Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump has come to an abrupt end, with her comparing him to "a pimp" and him calling her "a degenerate."  —  The war of words exploded anew after O'Donnell posted a message on her blog on Wednesday …

This Pamela Anderson Upskirt was Unavoidable  —  In terms of novelty, Pamela Anderson upskirt pictures don't rank very high, because it is Pamela Anderson after all.  But what they lack in originality, they more than make up for in terms of sheer inevitability.

Director Tim Burton's Ex Sues Him for Fraud  —  Director Tim Burton has been sued for fraud by his former lover, Lisa Marie, according to court documents obtained by PEOPLE.  —  In a suit filed Wednesday in Los Angeles Superior Court, Marie, who describes herself as an actress, model …

Is Tara Reidy for Big Brother?  —  American Pie actress Tara Reid has been topping up her tan before her widely expected launch into the Celebrity Big Brother house next week.  —  Soaking up the sun on the celebrity haven of St Barts, Reid seemed to be completely over her fears of revealing …

Victoria Beckham Credits Her Figure to Strict Diet, Not Disorder  —  Victoria Beckham credits control, not an eating disorder, with keeping her figure so thin.  —  "I eat really healthy, I love Japanese food, lots of fish, any sort of fish, any sort of vegetable, lots of fruit, that kind of thing …

Sly Stallone: 'Every Day Was an Advil Day' Doing Rocky  —  Against all odds, Sylvester Stallone is back in the ring at age 60 - and, perhaps even more astounding, Rocky Balboa, the sixth installment in his Rocky series, has gotten warm reviews.  —  But much has changed for both Stallone …

Inverness fire engulfs lodge, Manka's eatery … Subscribe to the IJ, and we'll wash your car!  —  Holiday Gifts!  —  Buy prints from our collection of Marin sports, scenic, animal and historic photos.

Victoria Beckham's nipples have minds of their own  —  Victoria Beckham and her wonky robo tits went to dinner with husband David last night in London.  What is going on with celebrities and their breasts?  Britney, Meg, and now Posh.  On a non-breast side note; David needs to put his foot down and stop letting Victoria dress him.

REVEALED!  BEHIND THE SCENES OF MTV's HOT NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY!  —  MTV has struck gold this year, hosting New York City's ultimate New Year's Eve party!  —  The theme of this year's party is "MTV Goes Gold," and the party's organizers will have the fashion police out in full force at the bash …

Britney Ditched by Her Biggest Fan(site)  —  Britney Spears is losing the respect of even her most ardent fans - and now one of the Britster's most popular fan sites is shutting down.  —  WorldofBritney.com, a faithful and well-visited chronicler of all things Britney since 2000 …

Clay Aiken: American A-Hole?  —  Clay Aiken's diva-like behavior has got one former fan pissed off.  The former "American Idol" star is being accused of booting a 15-year-old boy off of a concert line-up simply because he wasn't festive enough.  —  Joshua Willard won a North Carolina singing competition …

O.J. ADDICTED TO OXYCONTIN  —  A deeply depressed O.J. Simpson has become addicted to the dangerous painkiller OxyContin, say sources.  —  Reeling from the sudden shelving of his controversial new book, the disgraced football star has plummeted into a hellhole of heavy boozing, drug abuse and insane jealousy.

CARMEN & DAVE'S BI-ZARRE DIVORCE  —  Talk about irreconcilable differences!  Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro have apparently both gone gay since pulling the plug on their two-and-a-half-year marriage earlier this year.  —  Talk about irreconcilable differences!