Jessica Simpson is insane and possibly a man  —  Jessica Simpson was spotted at Hyde over the weekend still looking like a tranny but with new hair.  And don't even ask what the hell she's doing with her face.  I'm assuming the hair dye had a reaction with her brain.  You know, like completely melting it.

Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton Party Away the Rehab  —  So when you get out of rehab, and you're at that delicate stage "trying" to be "sober," I don't think the first person you really want to call, and head out clubbing with is Paris Hilton.  Of course, nobody told that to Lindsay Lohan.

Jackass Star Bam Margera Weds  —  Jackass prankster Bam Margera has married his childhood friend, his rep confirms to PEOPLE.  —  On Saturday, the 27-year-old professional skateboarder and MTV star exchanged vows with Missy Rothstein, 26, in downtown Philadelphia before about 350 friends …

Actor claims self-defense after arrest  —  MALIBU, Calif. - Ryan O'Neal says his weekend arrest came after he fired a gun in self-defense to prevent his son from whacking him with a fireplace poker.  —  The actor told the Los Angeles Times that he arrived at his Malibu home Saturday night …

Hugh: I won't be marrying Jemima  —  It looks like Hugh Grant's hell bent on remaining a bachelor for life after dismissing reports he will marry Jemima Khan.  —  Speaking after his Music and Lyrics premiere in London last night, the actor responded to a question about marriage with Jemima, saying:

Ryan Phillippe Talks About His Split With Reese Witherspoon  —  Three months after his split from Reese Witherspoon, Ryan Phillippe says, "This is the most difficult time in my life."  —  "I must stay focused on my kids," Phillippe, 32, tells TV's Extra in an interview airing this week.

Hardy Boys II Men: Cruise & Stiller at Fox?  —  Apparently, Kevin Federline's recent self-effacing Superbowl stunt has inspired Tom Cruise.  —  Insiders tell TMZ that Tom Cruise has been talking with Ben Stiller about starring in an updated version of "The Hardy Boys" at Twentieth Century Fox.

Girls Aloud back in school uniform  —  Girls Aloud have gone back to school for Red Nose Day.  —  The band were joined by fellow pupil Russell Brand and Stephen Fry as their cane-wielding headmaster.  —  The celebrities got into their school ties and blazers for new Walkers crisps adverts for Red Nose Day.

WINTOUR POWER  —  'SHORT OF letting everybody have a feel, I don't know what else to do . . . I really am pretty happy with what God gave me," says Jennifer Aniston, denying tabloid speculation that she has new breasts.  —  YOU CAN get a dinner party argument going instantly if you ask people …

JT Smoked Away his Tears  —  Justin Timberlake is finally ready to open up about the important things...like his appearance on Punk'd back in the day.  Timberlake (correct me if I'm wrong) was the first victim ever on Ashton's show and got a little emotional about the prank …

Calling Her Mimi Just Encourages Her, Guys  —  Although she doesn't expose even a pinch of her areolas in her new Playboy interview, Mariah Carey still manages to expose herself as a boob.  In the piece, Mariah blames the tremendous failure of Glitter, in part, on the fact that the movie debuted around the time of 9/11.

Are gay auds trading B'way for TV?  —  Critic's Notebook  —  Does gay no longer pay on Broadway?  —  With the premature closing of Douglas Carter Beane's gay-themed "The Little Dog Laughed," on Feb. 18 after only 112 perfs, it appears that one of legit's built-in auds, Gotham's gay theater-going crowd, is suddenly missing in action.

Forget Kate, Josh Holloway wants Hurley  —  'Lost' star says of his male co-stars, he'd sleep with Jorge Garcia  —  Josh Holloway has quirky taste in sex partners.  —  The "Lost" hunk, when asked by Elle magazine, which male co-star he'd most want to have sex with, replied …