Joel Madden Accused of Battering a Woman  —  TMZ has learned that the Beverly Hills Police Department is investigating rocker Joel Madden, after a female photographer filed a "crime report" claiming he attacked her during a violent confrontation over the weekend.

TASTE OF RACHAEL  —  RACHAEL Ray was attacked by a dog in Union Square Park Saturday while bravely defending her pit-bull mix, Isaboo.  According to the TV host's rep, "This dog came up - there was no owner in sight - and became aggressive.  Rachael and some others shooed it away, but it came back and attacked Isaboo.

Braff cleans up with 'Scrubs' payday  —  Zach Braff is about to land a big payday, as long as "Scrubs" gets renewed by NBC for a seventh season.  —  The multihyphenate has cut a one-year deal with "Scrubs" producer ABC TV Studio that will pay him in the neighborhood of $350,000 per episode …

Hathaway insists on no tongues  —  It started with a kiss ... Anne gets steamy in Havoc  —  THE Devil Wears Prada actress ANNE HATHAWAY has dished the dirt on some of Hollywood's hunkiest leading men and how they like to kiss.  —  And while she rates Becoming Jane co-star JAMES McAVOY …

Naomi to sweep corridors as punishment for 'maid' assault  —  Naomi Campbell will be made to work as a cleaner as punishment for attacking her maid, according to US reports.  The supermodel is set to be told to mop floors and sweep corridors at a New York city public building in the coming months, according to the New York Daily News.

TIGHT SCRUTINY  —  JAKE Gyllenhaal is way beyond the simple choice of boxers vs. briefs.  A shopper in Bloomingdale's underwear department recently watched the "Brokeback Mountain" star with a salesman "combing through every style . . . A good 10 minutes later, Jake was still at it …

Lindsay Lohan: 'I've never dated anyone I've worked with'  —  Actress Lindsay Lohan has hit out at the tabloid press for romantically linking her to every man she is seen out with.  The Mean Girls star - who officially checked out of the Wonderland Center in the Hollywood Hills last month …

Beatty and Hyde  —  Hyde is officially expanding it's reach- and catering to Hollywood's AARP set by rolling out the red carpet for Warren Beatty!  —  The hot club, known for being the site of numerous trainwreck turnaways, including Tara Reid, Chyna and even Bobby Brown …

A sore subject for Smith  —  Get well soon, Will Smith!  —  The leading man (right) is being treated at the Hospital for Special Surgery on the upper East Side, his rep confirms.  "Will strained his shoulder on Thursday morning and after work immediately went to the hospital," his spokeswoman told us yesterday.

PRICE TAG FOR ISAIAH SLUR  —  KATHERINE Heigl got into a dispute with ABC over her "Grey's Anatomy" salary last week - claiming she wanted to be paid as much as co-stars Sandra Oh and Isaiah Washington - but we hear things aren't going so well for Washington, either.

PARIS IN GROCERY CART BATTLE  —  WHAM!  BAM!...THANK YOU, PARIS!  After a slam-bang shopping cart attack, PARIS HILTON was asked to leave a BevHills market.  The bizarre cart-fight began when Haughty Hilton ordered a female shopper to stop blocking the aisle with her cart.

NON-CELEBRITIES  —  THE Internet has buzzed with rumors that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will soon become neighbors of Yoko Ono and Lauren Bacall at the famed Dakota co-op on Central Park West.  Gawker has posted several items from "inside" tipsters that the Hollywood couple has a contract …

Howard admits, 'I'm not the father'  —  Howard K. Stern has reportedly admitted he's not the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Dannielynn and is now willing to sign over the paternity rights to the man who believes he is the baby's real dad, Larry Birkhead — for the right price.

Kevin Federline Takes the Kids to Vegas  —  While Britney Spears remained in rehab, Kevin Federline headed to Las Vegas last weekend - with the kids.  —  Federline was in town for a long-planned paid appearance at the Mirage Hotel & Casino lounge Revolution, sources tell PEOPLE.

Eva Mendes Nude Pictures  —  Despite being top spot at the box office for two weeks in a row, I haven't heard a single good thing about Ghost Rider.  I have heard, or seen, rather, very good things about Eva Mendes, who stars as the love interest in the film.

Cast as Oscar outsiders  —  Unless you think Ronald Reagan would've been better than Humphrey Bogart as Rick in "Casablanca" — which nearly happened — or if you see the genius of casting in "Chinatown," "Bonnie and Clyde" and "Little Miss Sunshine," you can appreciate what a casting director does for a movie.

Sean 'Diddy' Combs Denies Assault Claim  —  Sean "Diddy" Combs is denying that he assaulted a man in February.  —  The alleged victim, Gerard Rechnitzer, filed a lawsuit on Friday claiming that Diddy punched him outside the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel on Feb. 25.  He is seeking an undisclosed amount exceeding $25,000.

Liz's Wedding Drama: Why Ex Hugh Grant Didn't Show!  —  Actress Elizabeth Hurley, 41, and Indian businessman Arun Nayar, 42, wed twice over the weekend.  The couple had a private civil ceremony on Friday, followed by a religious service the following day, both at Sudeley Castle in Winchcombe, Gloucestershire.

Simon on Britney: 'I couldn't care less'  —  Plus, Madonna takes religious holiday back to roaring '20s  —  Simon Cowell has no sympathy for Britney Spears.  —  The "American Idol" judge says that the singer's recent meltdown and rehab stint are "fashionable" and an "indulgence."

Katharine McPhee is Really, Really Pretty  —  I really, really don't feel like writing much right now.  Thankfully, Katharine McPhee is really, really pretty, so I don't have to.