Britney Spears Dresses Like a Retarded Hooker  —  Pink bikini?  Check.  —  Hot pants underwear?  Check.  —  Ripped fish-net stockings?  Check.  —  See-through dress?  Check.  —  Cowboy boots?  Check.  —  Stupid hat?  Check.  —  Bad wig?  Check.  —  Yup, that retard is Britney Spears.

Courtney Plans to Sell Kurt's Stuff  —  Thirteen years after Kurt Cobain's death, Courtney Love is making a commitment to move on, by selling her late husband's belongings.  —  "I'm going to have a Christie's auction," she tells Spinner.  "[My house] is like a mausoleum.

Kim Kardashian Wins Sex Tape Battle  —  Kim Kardashian's sex tape soon will be history.  —  Usmagazine.com has learned exclusively that Kardashian — who in February sued adult video distributor Vivid Entertainment for releasing a homemade video of her having sex with ex-boyfriend …

Bruce Willis: I Still Love Demi Moore  —  For Bruce Willis, a vacation can mean a getaway with his ex-wife and her new husband.  —  "It's hard for people to understand, but we go on holidays together," the Live Free or Die Hard star, 52, tells Vanity Fair in its June issue about his relationship …

Oxford Street goes mad for Moss  —  Kate Moss has delighted crowds by posing in the window at Oxford Street's Topshop store for the eagerly awaited launch of her collection.  —  Thousands of photographers and members of the public waited hours outside the shop's main window for a glimpse of the style icon - and she did not disappoint!

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Expecting Baby No. 2  —  Elisabeth Hasselbeck has long been candid on The View about her desire to get pregnant again - and her wish has finally come true.  —  On Monday's show, co-host Rosie O'Donnell asked: "I was just wondering if there's anything new, Elisabeth?"

Ellen: "I WILL Take This Lyin' Down"  —  TMZ has learned Ellen DeGeneres hurt her back over the weekend — and it's so bad that she's doing this week's shows from a hospital bed!  —  The bed will be placed center stage on Ellen's set.  She'll lob questions at Ryan Seacrest and Lindsay Lohan from a supine position.

They Said What?  —  The Week's Best Celeb Quotes  —  Tyra claims another groping victim - Rosie.  Plus, more from Jon Stewart, Simon Cowell and other stars  —  • "Rosie has the sexiest, juiciest breasts."  — Tyra Banks, telling Conan O'Brien that she gave The View host a surprising squeeze …

Pete Wentz is Super Cool  —  If you're an emo kid and you wonder why you're always getting your ass kicked, this video should give you a hint as to why.  If a dude ever came up to me and wanted to share his tips on putting on eyeliner, I'll be glad to share my tips on how to stop the bleeding.

Pete Doherty Goes to Rehab, Take 322  —  Pete Doherty is admitting himself into rehab, AGAIN.  —  How many times has this guy gone into rehab already?  Do you think he gets a punch card, and after ten punches on his card he could stay at rehab for free?  —  Here's the info from The Sunday Mirror:

Selma's shock rehab stint  —  It's recently been revealed that actress Selma Blair has just finished a secret 30-day stint in rehab for substance abuse.  —  According to US reports, Selma has had an addiction problem for some time, but her drug abuse escalated rapidly after her divorce from husband Ahmet Zappa last November.

The Doctor Is Out  —  Heidi Klum wasn't the only celeb to spend a day at the beach with her family, we also spotted Dr. McDreamy, Patrick Dempsey, out with wife Jillian, twins Darby and Sullivan and daughter Tallulah in Malibu yesterday!  —  SEE MORE AFTER THE JUMP »

Jessica Simpson's Cleavage Starts the Week Right  —  Well, if ending the week with Lindsay Lohan's cleavage was the right thing to do, then it stands to reason that starting the week on Jessica Simpson's cleavage is a good idea too.  —  Of course, while I applaud Jessica's choice of dress …

Scarlett Johansson Sings... Badly  —  So if you were at all anticipating Scarlett Johansson's album (though, who really was?), then you might want to reevaluate your expectations.  You see, this past weekend, at the Coachella Music Festival, someone thought it would be a good idea …

Coachella Brings Out the Ugly  —  Look at these pretty ladies!  So fresh and so clean.  —  Courtney Love and Kimberly Stewart followed the rules of Coachella and brought on the ugly.  It's not too hard for these two.  They seriously look like they are about to take part in a line-up for crackhead, truck-stop hookers.

Hollywood Bump Watch  —  I just LOVE finding pictures of Naomi Watts and Julia Roberts out and about.  It's always fun to see how much bigger their bellies have gotten since the last time they were photographed.  Naomi was snapped exiting a birthday bash for Penelope Cruz while Julia was exiting her NYC apartment.