Britney Spears Dresses Like a Retarded Hooker  —  Pink bikini?  Check.  —  Hot pants underwear?  Check.  —  Ripped fish-net stockings?  Check.  —  See-through dress?  Check.  —  Cowboy boots?  Check.  —  Stupid hat?  Check.  —  Bad wig?  Check.  —  Yup, that retard is Britney Spears.

Kim Kardashian Wins Sex Tape Battle  —  Kim Kardashian's sex tape soon will be history.  —  Usmagazine.com has learned exclusively that Kardashian — who in February sued adult video distributor Vivid Entertainment for releasing a homemade video of her having sex with ex-boyfriend …

Bruce Willis: I Still Love Demi Moore  —  For Bruce Willis, a vacation can mean a getaway with his ex-wife and her new husband.  —  "It's hard for people to understand, but we go on holidays together," the Live Free or Die Hard star, 52, tells Vanity Fair in its June issue about his relationship …

Courtney Plans to Sell Kurt's Stuff  —  Thirteen years after Kurt Cobain's death, Courtney Love is making a commitment to move on, by selling her late husband's belongings.  —  "I'm going to have a Christie's auction," she tells Spinner.  "[My house] is like a mausoleum.

Pete Wentz is Super Cool  —  If you're an emo kid and you wonder why you're always getting your ass kicked, this video should give you a hint as to why.  If a dude ever came up to me and wanted to share his tips on putting on eyeliner, I'll be glad to share my tips on how to stop the bleeding.

Boy George held over male 'escort's' sex kidnap claims  —  Boy George is on bail while police investigate allegations that he kidnapped a male escort and chained him to a wall in his London home.  —  Auden Carlsen, 28, claimed he was grabbed by the singer and another man and chained …

Ellen: "I WILL Take This Lyin' Down"  —  TMZ has learned Ellen DeGeneres hurt her back over the weekend — and it's so bad that she's doing this week's shows from a hospital bed!  —  The bed will be placed center stage on Ellen's set.  She'll lob questions at Ryan Seacrest and Lindsay Lohan from a supine position.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Expecting Baby No. 2  —  Elisabeth Hasselbeck has long been candid on The View about her desire to get pregnant again - and her wish has finally come true.  —  On Monday's show, co-host Rosie O'Donnell asked: "I was just wondering if there's anything new, Elisabeth?"

Pete Doherty Goes to Rehab, Take 322  —  Pete Doherty is admitting himself into rehab, AGAIN.  —  How many times has this guy gone into rehab already?  Do you think he gets a punch card, and after ten punches on his card he could stay at rehab for free?  —  Here's the info from The Sunday Mirror:

Oxford Street goes mad for Moss  —  Kate Moss has delighted crowds by posing in the window at Oxford Street's Topshop store for the eagerly awaited launch of her collection.  —  Thousands of photographers and members of the public waited hours outside the shop's main window for a glimpse of the style icon - and she did not disappoint!

The Doctor Is Out  —  Heidi Klum wasn't the only celeb to spend a day at the beach with her family, we also spotted Dr. McDreamy, Patrick Dempsey, out with wife Jillian, twins Darby and Sullivan and daughter Tallulah in Malibu yesterday!  —  SEE MORE AFTER THE JUMP »

BACK HOME, MADONNA GETS DOWN TO BUSINESS  —  Stepping out after a sumptuous dinner, Madonna looks every inch the groomed superstar.  —  Dressed in an elegant beige safari suit with her glossy hair tied back, the singer turned heads as she left Claridge's in London on Saturday night.

Jessica Simpson's Cleavage Starts the Week Right  —  Well, if ending the week with Lindsay Lohan's cleavage was the right thing to do, then it stands to reason that starting the week on Jessica Simpson's cleavage is a good idea too.  —  Of course, while I applaud Jessica's choice of dress …

Peter Andre has NOT died  —  RUMOURS circulating that PETER ANDRE has died in hospital are untrue.  —  I have spoken to his aides who confirmed there is no truth in the cruel rumours.  —  He said Peter, who was admitted to hospital last weekend and is battling viral meningitus, is alive and making a recovery.

Britney Nearly Flips Her Wig  —  Driving fast in a convertible may cause the loss of your wig!  It almost happened to Britney, who barely managed to hold on after losing her hat.  —  Seen here, terrified after nearly losing her "Valley of the Dolls" commemorative wig while on her way to a dance rehearsal …

Hollywood Bump Watch  —  I just LOVE finding pictures of Naomi Watts and Julia Roberts out and about.  It's always fun to see how much bigger their bellies have gotten since the last time they were photographed.  Naomi was snapped exiting a birthday bash for Penelope Cruz while Julia was exiting her NYC apartment.

LINE FORMS TO LEFT FOR OPEN 'VIEW' JOB; ROSEANNE EARLY FAVORITE  —  A Rosie is a Rosie is a Rosie.  —  Roseanne Barr has emerged as the top contender to replace Rosie O'Donnell next year on "The View," sources say.  —  A rep for Barr says she has not been approached.