Before the slammer, Paris planning some glamour  —  DAILY NEWS GOSSIP COLUMNISTS  —  Paris Hilton is getting ready for her closeup.  —  Sources say the jail-bound heiress has ordered a hair and makeup team to meet her at her Hollywood Hills home at 9 a.m. Monday.

Jennifer Aniston is a Smart Girl  —  As Usmagazine.com reported in April, Jennifer Aniston, 38, has signed on as the new spokeswoman for smartwater.  The former Friends star and yoga enthusiast is making signature smartwater bottles that will be in stores this July, and will appear …

Heidi Montag Nude in Playboy is Not Worth $1 Million  —  Well, it looks like all that money that Heidi Montag payed for her new breasts seems to have been a good investment.  According to a report in In Touch magazine this week, there is an offer of $1 Million to have Heidi Montag pose nude in Playboy magazine.

Nicky Hilton Says Jail for Paris Is 'Absurd'  —  With the June 5 deadline for Paris Hilton to turn herself in to jail looming, her younger sister Nicky is speaking out.  —  "I think she should definitely be punished, but going to jail for a traffic violation is pretty absurd," Hilton, 23 …

JENNIFER ANISTON'S $5 MILLION ART CATALOG  —  Seeing is believing, as Star magazine knows.  That's why it illustrated its cover story about "Jen's $5 Million Tell-All!" with a shot of Jennifer Aniston carrying what is plainly the manuscript she's allegedly shopping around to publishers about her days with Brad Pitt.

LiLo Exercises Away the Addiction  —  Lindsay Lohan left her "serious medical treatment program" at Promises rehab facility in Malibu yesterday for a quick session at a local gym.  Which of the twelve steps is the elliptical machine?  —  The rehabbing party girl checked into the posh dry …

TRAVOLTA PRESSED ON TEEN SON  —  JOHN Travolta, 53, and his wife, Kelly Preston, 44, just announced they want to try for their third child - even while they fall under increasing pressure to publicly acknowledge the disability of their son, Jett.  —  Travolta has either pretended …

Officials "Have No Idea" Why Wrong-Way Richie Can Drive  —  While Paris Hilton heads off to jail this week, her "Simple Life" cohort Nicole Richie is still cruising the streets with a valid drivers license — even though she has the same DUI charge under her belt and a record as a repeat offender!

Who Is This Guy Anyway?  —  Lindsay Lohan's part time boyfriend/sex addict/druggie Calum Best might be a daddy.  —  Model Lorna Hogan claims they made the baby the night before his dad George Best's memorial service in Manchester.  Classy and respectful fella he is.

While The Cat's Away.....  Oh snap!  Looks like Samantha Ronson is getting herself some new coochie while Lindsay Blohan's in the tank!  The good thing about having Richie as a girlfriend is you can kiss her on both lips at the same time, because she's so skinny!

Opri Bags Birkhead's $$$$$$$$$  —  TMZ has learned Debra Opri, the attorney who Larry Birkhead fired and who billed him for more than $600,000 for legal services, is holding a huge amount of Birkhead's money hostage.  —  Rewind to March, 2007.  Larry Birkhead, who was then fighting …

Ageing heartthrob Tony Curtis faces bald truth  —  He set hearts racing alongside Marilyn Monroe in the 1959 classic Some Like It Hot, but these days ageing screen legend Tony Curtis is barely recognisable.  —  The 81-year-old acting veteran showed off his bald head and silver beard while shooting his latest movie, David And Fatima.

PITT CREW  —  Brad's officially a dad for a fourth time.  —  Hollywood hunk Brad Pitt has officially added his name to the latest member of the Brangelina brood.  —  Mum Angelina Jolie went to court in Los Angeles today to change the name of her adopted three-year-old Pax from Pax Thien Jolie to Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt.

In Your Dreams Avril!  —  Who raised this skank?!  Avril Lavigne has no damn manners.  Flipping the bird at the paps and spitting at their asses.  She recently said that she's been spitting at the paparazzi for two years and acts like it's no big deal.  Nasty ass!

Enrique: My new releazzz  —  ENRIQUE IGLESIAS is taking prescription medication because he is apparently suffering from crippling insomnia.  —  The Latino superstar, who recently split from tennis beauty ANNA KOURNIKOVA, has been having trouble nodding off for years.

Bonaduce Stuffs His Partridge into Stripper Panties  —  With Adam Corolla egging him on, Danny Bonaduce celebrated the end of his marriage last night by squeezing into teeny-tiny man-panties and showing off his stripper skills.  Look out ladies!  —  The redheaded former "Partridge Family" …

Rumer Willis Defends Lindsay Lohan  —  Willis and Lohan at an American Cinematheque event in 2006  —  Rumer Willis, the oldest daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, says she's on pal Lindsay Lohan's side as the actress deals with rehab and DUI charges.  —  "I haven't talked to her …

Not Completely Unfortunate  —  Personally, I don't think Rumer Willis is that fugly fug.  I think with minor adjustements she could turn out semi-attractive.  It's mostly the hair.  It's got her looking like a Thundercat.  She doesn't help the cause by wearing cat print!