$2M up magician David Copperfield's sleeve?  —  Nothing makes a problem disappear faster than money.  But did David Copperfield really offer a Seattle woman $2 million if she'd drop her rape charge against him?  —  The famed illusionist allegedly promised that much in cash to his accuser …

ELLEN AND PORTIA HEADED TO SPLITSVILLE?  —  Could it be?!  Are Star staffers and their anonymous sources right when they allege Ellen's breakdown last week stemmed from domestic havoc?  From the current issue, which hit stands today. … Our worlds are crumbling.

Britney's Drug Photographed in Purse Identified as Anti-Sleep Medication  —  Photographers snapped a package of Provigil, a prescription drug used to treat excessive daytime sleepiness (and narcolepsy), in Britney Spears' open purse as she made her way to her first co-parenting class …

Diddy on J.Lo: "I Will Be Sending Expensive God-Daddy Gifts"  —  While Jennifer Lopez continues to keep mum about her pregnancy, ex-boyfriend Diddy is happy to talk to Usmagazine.com about it.  —  "She's going to make a great mother," he told Us Wednesday at a press conference promoting Ciroc Vodka.

ANGELINA JOLIE & HER 'LIES'  —  good morning!  this week's STAR magazine hops back on the brangelina express featuring angelina jolie's supposed lies about a number of things including her future with brad pitt - we all know by now i'm huge fan of ms. jolie (and ms. aniston) …

Britney Leaves Class, Teaches Paps A Lesson  —  After a long day at school, Britney Spears wasn't particularly pleased to see the paparazzi - especially the ones jumping out in front of her car!  Then again, given her automotive luck lately, we can't really blame her for calling …

Chew on This  —  Scarlett Johansson is rumored to give Ryan Reynolds an oral present for his birthday...and it's so not what you're thinking!  Plus, Joaquin Phoenix has a new honey, and why are Jake and Reese so suddenly cozy for the cameras?  And who's to blame for the Iggy fiasco?  —  Love Bites?

UNLIKELY BEATLE EX-WIFE  —  HEATHER Mills wants to be played by Reese Witherspoon in the movie of her life, but she wants an unknown to play Paul McCartney, 65.  Britain's Daily Mail reports Mills, 39, flew to L.A. this week for meetings on the biopic, which had been shelved while she was negotiating …

Jessica Biel Is A Dumbass  —  Jessica Biel left a yoga studio in Santa Monica today and instead of heading right to her car, dumb bitch created a scene.  She started shouting at the paps to "not get close to her" and "to get a real job."  She apparently tried to hit one of them with her umbrella.

Gay Hollywood: Out of Sight?  —  Almost two years after ''Brokeback Mountain'' raked in $178 million worldwide, no major studio has greenlit a single gay film.  What is keeping movies in the closet — and what should Hollywood be learning from TV?  —  In the weeks before the 78th annual Academy Awards …

Lindsay's Lookin' Smokin'!  —  To be fair, Lindsay's fineness is hardly news at this point - but this is one story we're always glad to revisit!  We spotted the Cirque Lodge's most famous graduate puffing away on a cigarette at Pit Fire Pizza after a long day of practicing at the Millennium Dance Studio yesterday afternoon.

Posh stops traffic in a 'zebra crossing' dress  —  Approach with caution!  Self-appointed fashionista Victoria Beckham stepped out in London last night wearing a figure-hugging dress that looked to be inspired by a zebra crossing.  —  Already accustomed to stopping traffic …

Natalie Portman: 'I Won't Do Nude Scenes Again'  —  Actress talks about her awkwardness while baring all for new film...  Natalie Portman has said she will never get naked again on the big screen after regretting a nude scene in her new short film Hotel Chevalier.

Suri Shows off Fancy Hairdo, Jacket and Bottles  —  The most adorable little Suri ev-ver brought her two bottles and mom Katie to the Berlin Zoo yesterday afternoon.  Double fisting already?  Atta girl.  Last week the family took a break from the German adventure to stop off …

LOVERS' TOAST  —  "GOSSIP Girl" star Chace Crawford wined and dined his Southern-bred gal Carrie Underwood Tuesday night . . . well into yesterday morning.  The couple dropped into Southern Hospitality to hear a set by the legendary David Allan Coe, after Crawford...

SOUTH BEACH BITE  —  MICHAEL Vick may have had to sell off his multimillion-dollar digs in Georgia, but the disgraced, dog-fighting NFL-er just bought a pricey pad in the luxurious Philippe Starck high-rise Icon South Beach.  A Miami neighbor tells us: "[Vick] has bought [an] apartment.

Evan Rachel Wood to sign with Interscope Records  —  Sources say actress Evan Rachel Wood, best known for her dramatic performances on film (Thirteen, The Upside of Anger), television (Once and Again), and as Marilyn Manson's girlfriend (see her starring role in his steamy, slightly NSFW …

Spears to Judge: No Brit and Run Here!  —  Britney Spears' lawyer Michael Flanagan tells TMZ he will walk into a courtroom tomorrow and on behalf of the pop tart will plead not guilty to the misdemeanor charge of driving without a valid license.  —  Spears, who will not be present in the courtroom …