BARKING PUPPY  —  JOAQUIN Phoenix is bristling at Eva Mendes' wisecrack that doing "We Own the Night" with him was "kind of like working with a puppy dog or a 2-year-old."  Phoenix rants to the December Playboy: "Had I known I was supposed to be a puppy dog, I would...

Catholics slam Britney Spears pix as 'bottom of barrel' stunt  —  DAILY NEWS WEST COAST BUREAU CHIEF  —  LOS ANGELES - Kinky photos of a half-naked Britney Spears perched on a priest's lap and leaning seductively against a church confessional sparked outrage among Catholic leaders.

Nicole Richie Denies Smoking While Pregnant  —  Despite a New York Post report on Monday that a pregnant Nicole Richie was spotted smoking in New York twice over the past week, the reality star's rep says she's not even in the country!  —  Richie's rep tells Extra that accounts of Richie smoking are "irresponsible and untrue."

Joan Collins' see-through dress shows her best supporting part  —  She may approaching her 75th birthday, but Joan Collins still knows how to cause a stir.  —  Attending a charity event in New York last night, the British actress pulled back her white fur stole only to reveal an almost completely see-through lace top.

Rumer Willis Says Fame Is a '24-Hour Job'  —  Rumer Willis  —  Rumer Willis is ready to accept the 'round-the-clock responsibility of being famous.  —  Presented over the weekend with a Rumer Willis Polly Pocket Doll - which she helped auction off for $5,500 to charity …

Brit & K-Fed Learn Them Some More Parentology  —  As they wait for the commissioner's decision in their bitter custody battle, Britney Spears met with K-Fed again on Monday — for a parenting session.  —  Britney arrived at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills this morning for her court-ordered counseling session with Kevin Federline.

Lohan Backs out of Party, Wants to "Focus on Sobriety"  —  For the second time this year, Lindsay Lohan has backed out of hosting a party in Las Vegas.  —  As recently as last week, 21-year-old Lohan was scheduled to attend a New Year's Eve blowout at Vegas nightclub LAX …

Angelina's hands are even wrinklier than Clint Eastwoods', but is she pregnant?  —  Angelina Jolie is one of the world's most beautiful women, best known for her alluring, pouty mouth.  —  But in a candid on set shot, stood next to septugenarian director Clint Eastwood …

Spicy Mel is a perfect 30 as she scores highest mark on dance show  —  Mel B mixed up a perfect Spicy Rumba on the U.S. version of Strictly Come Dancing.  —  The singer scored a maximum 30 points as she performed a sizzling version of the Cuban dance.  —  Scroll down for more...

JUST AS WELL  —  FORGETFULNESS got Ivanka Trump off the hook Friday night, when the exhausted heiress was coaxed by friends to hit East Village staple Black & White - but wasn't let in because she didn't have her ID.  "She had Adam Duritz in tow, they were all at a birthday party together," said our spy.

Ethan Hawke Looks Old, Has Upcoming Film Role as Criminal  —  Photos: Bauer-Griffin Online  —  Bless his heart, Ethan Hawke is looking like an old-ass Oliver Twist here, signing autographs for fans who are probably surprised he's still alive.  He's also preparing to star in an upcoming film, entitled, "Real Men Cry."

MAMA'S BOY  —  REALITY show staple Brody Jenner has a faithful assistant - his mother.  "Brody's mom RSVP's for him to parties," said our source.  "She called on his behalf for the L.A. Confidential Hypnotiq Halloween party Tuesday night."  We wonder if she also made...

Diana Ross gets supremely carried away - with the make-up brush  —  Supremes' legend Diana 'call me Miss' Ross is rarely seen in public looking less than her glamorous best.  —  And on this occasion she almost achieved it - were it not for the garish make-up she plastered on.

J.No!  Lopez's demands anger her label  —  Plus: Kelly Osbourne to score Broadway deal?  —  The Scoop  —  Jennifer Lopez might have to start looking for a new label if she wants to make another original record.  A source close to Epic Records and Epic's parent company, Sony BMG …

Heather Mills kills dog  —  Heather Mills' recent firework display scared her neighbour's dog to death, the pooch's owner has claimed.  —  Sandra Rowbury - who lives yards from the former model's East Sussex mansion - says her Weimaraner bitch Glow was terrified by the loud explosions and suffered a fatally bloated gut.

Barack Obama camp elects not to use Brad Pitt  —  Would Brad Pitt be a liability for Barack Obama?  —  When the socially conscious star offered to help the Democratic contender's presidential campaign, he was turned down, our sources report.  —  The overture was made through intermediaries …

First Pictures Of Wanted  —  Universal have supplied us with the first pictures from Wanted, Timor Bekmambetov's (Night Watch) upcoming action movie, based on Mark Millar's graphic novel series.  —  The film stars James McAvoy - officially nicest and most delightfully Scottish man in the world …

Madonna & Tupac Shakur's love child?  Almost happened  —  Can you imagine the child of Madonna and Tupac Shakur?  According to Lucy O'Brien's new book, "Madonna: Like an Icon," out Tuesday, it almost happened.  —  O'Brien says Madonna, in her mid-30s, "desperately wanted children and had various relationships with unlikely men."

Frightened Brit Takes On Drunks, Punks and Cops  —  YOU'VE GOTTA SEE THIS!!!  —  Britney Spears was pulled over by an L.A. Sheriff last night — and while she got off with just a warning, the scene around the car was complete insanity.  —  TMZ caught Spears and ex-assistant/"cousin" …

O'REILLY'S GUYS AMBUSH ROSIE  —  BILL O'Reilly has once again targeted Rosie O'Donnell, sending a cameraman and a field producer to her latest book signing on Long Island to taunt and tape her while she autographed copies for adoring fans.  —  O'Donnell was taken aback when O'Reilly producer …