SHE LIKES LANCE  —  ODD couple alert: Ashley Olsen has a new, older man.  The 21-year-old twin showed up to the Rose Bar at the Gramercy Park Hotel Monday night with Tory Burch's ex, Lance Armstrong, 36.  Our bar spy said, "They came together with a group of friends.

Exclusive!  Brit's Assistant Tells All: Spears Tried to Get Kevin Back, Hung Wedding Dress on Her Bedroom Wall  —  For three of the most turbulent months of the pop star's life, Kalie Machado was a constant by Britney Spears' side.  —  Plucked from a hairdresser's assistant gig in December 2006 …

LOUSY BORDER  —  THERE'S more bad news for Jennifer Lopez.  Weeks after her new album tanked and her movie "El Cantante" fell flat, her next film is going straight to video.  "Bordertown" - where J. Lo plays a reporter probing the murders of female factory workers in...

'Suicidal' Heather Mills: I'm hated like Kate McCann  —  Heather Mills claimed today she had been driven to the brink of suicide after her break-up with Sir Paul McCartney and says she has been victim of a public hate campaign similar to that experienced by Kate McCann.

Label giving up on getting Britney Spears to promote album  —  Jive Records is throwing in the towel because Britney Spears can't "gimme more."  —  The singer's label has officially given up on getting the troubled pop tart more involved in marketing her own album, "Blackout," sources tell us.

Not What He Needs  —  Owen Wilson is barely getting over a traumatic experience and he's already getting into another horrendous nightmare.  —  Star Magazine reports that Owen Wilson is dating Jessica Simpson.  The two were seen having dinner at the Huntley Hotel in Santa Monica this past weekend.

Britney Stops Interview ... To Take a Shower!  —  Britney Spears called in to KIIS-FM's "On Air with Ryan Seacrest" this morning ... but apparently that didn't fit into her morning routine.  In the middle of the interview Brit Brit handed the phone to her cousin/assistant/professional friend Alli, and jumped in the shower!

JACKO VISIT  —  MICHAEL Jackson paid a recent undercover visit to Brooklyn, where he spent the day shooting a cover for Ebony magazine's issue celebrating the 25th anniversary of "Thriller."  He acted "sweet" and was curious about everyone on the crew, asking...

For Owen Wilson, Jessica Simpson's just what doc ordered  —  Jessica Simpson sure makes a great anti-depressant.  —  She and Owen Wilson have been spotted on a date in Los Angeles, according to the new issue of Star magazine.  —  The two dined Sunday at the Huntley Hotel in Santa Monica before retiring to his Malibu home.

Tony Romo, Alli Sims Clear the Air on Britney Spears  —  Spears and Romo  —  Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo credits his football position for the public interest in his companions.  —  Asked at a team press conference, "How do you respond to reports that you were with Britney Spears this weekend?"

Ugly Betty gets a makeover to glamorous cover girl  —  So this is what Betty Suarez has been hiding behind those red-rimmed glasses, thick fringe and that mouthful of metal.  —  The fashionistas who bully her could be silenced by just one glare from these sultry bedroom eyes.  —  Scroll down for more ...

FREE FROM BILL  —  DON'T mess with Karrine "Superhead" Steffans.  The former girlfriend of television pundit Bill Maher spits fire at her ex in next month's Vibe.  She says, "Bill wants someone he can put down in an argument, tell you how ghetto you are, how big your butt is, and that you're an idiot.

NO AUTOGRAPHS  —  IF you have anything signed by Kiefer Sutherland, hang onto it.  Autograph collectors are reeling over the "24" star's decision to stop putting his signature on memorabilia in the wake of his Sept. 25 bust for DUI, when fans and paparazzi snapped footage of him stumbling …

Prosecutors Want the Judge to Throw the Book at Lane  —  A prosecutor has asked a judge to sentence "Prison Break" star Lane Garrison to four years, eight months in state prison.  Even though they are not asking for the maximum sentence for Garrison, prosecutors are asking the judge to throw the book at the actor.