K-Fed's Lawyer to Brit — I'll Slap You Down B!  —  KFed's lawyer is fed up with Britney Spears, and we're told he's going in deep — for sanctions!  —  Sources connected with the case tell TMZ powerhouse lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan is furious that Britney was too sick to depo yesterday morning but not too sick to party in the evening.

EVA'S NOT DESPERATE OVER SEX GAL'S CLAIM  —  EVA Longoria isn't concerned that a French model claims she slept with Longo ria's husband, Tony Parker, after meeting him at their wedding.  The "Desperate Housewives" star held a huge feast in Parker's honor at their Hollywood Hills home the night …

VH1 'DESTROYS' BUSTED MODEL  —  "AMERICA'S Most Smartest Model" contestant Andre Birleanu, 25, may be America's most ticked-off model.  —  The notoriously aggressive contestant of the VH1 show, which tests flighty models on their brains and their brawn, told Page Six that the cable network is responsible for "destroying" him.

STRICTLY BUSINESS  —  RYAN Gosling was photographed last week with "Heroes" cutie Hayden Panettiere.  But Tuesday night, he only had eyes for Heath Ledger's ex, Michelle Williams.  The two had dinner at Piadina and were caught by onlookers having a cozy cigarette outside the West 10th Street eatery.

Us Weekly's Worst Dressed Celeb of the Year Is....  Oops!  She did it again.  And again.  And again.  —  With her crazy wig collection and continuing downward style spiral, Us Weekly has named Britney Spears — who was recently offered the role of the Virgin Mary — the worst dressed star of the year.

Charisma Lacking in the Dollar Department?  —  According to Charisma Carpenter, the writers' strike is slaying her earning capacity.  —  The former Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel star claims that the ongoing Writers Guild of America walkout has left her unemployed …

Carrie Underwood Goes Clubbing with Chace Crawford  —  Happy Anniversary, Carrie and Chace!  Okay, okay, it wasn't actually their anniversary.  But Carrie Underwood and Chace Crawford, who have been dating since October, certainly looked every bit the happy couple as they laughed and danced …

Confirmed: Jessica Simpson's Blonde Ambition Goes Straight to DVD  —  Maybe Jessica Simpson should stick with reality television - her latest attempt at big screen success won't even make it to the big screen.  —  Blonde Ambition, as Us first reported in August, is going straight to DVD.

Julia Roberts Talks About Golden Globes and Holiday Traditions  —  Julia Roberts says her Golden Globe nomination was a "thrilling" moment in her normally blissful, domestic life.  —  "Usually the triumph of my day is everybody making it to the potty," she cracks in an interview with Matt Lauer …

Jennifer Lopez Is Back in Black and NYC  —  Jennifer Lopez traded in her usually sky-high heels for some simple ballet flats and an incognito hat out shopping in NYC with her family yesterday.  If she was out shopping for more baby stuff, I'm sure we'll hear all about it soon enough …

Brit Gets the Last Laugh ... for Once  —  Britney Spears managed to go to a gas station last night without forgetting anyone or stealing anything.  That's gotta count for something right?!  —  TMZ caught Spears making a stop at a Chevron on Sunset Blvd., running in to get her cigarette fix …

STARS ONLY FED  —  IT was a "Full House" reunion at the Bowery Hotel's Lobby Bar Wednesday night, when the Olsen twins, Ashley and Mary-Kate, rolled in with their TV dad, Bob Saget, and their "Uncle Jesse," John Stamos, to drink and party till the wee hours.  Ashley...

Spice Girls have creche installed at the O2  —  The Spice Girls have had a creche installed at the O2 ahead of their 17 nights of sell-out gigs.  —  The group - who, with the exception of Melanie Chisholm, are all now mothers - have requested the facility so their small army of child-minders …

He's just a friend, sez Rosanna Arquette  —  Rosanna Arquette swears she and Paul McCartney are just friends.  But the American actress continues to linger in England, where she and Sir Paul attended Monday's Led Zeppelin reunion concert.  Macca brought along his family.

Hulk Hogan: My Main Concern in Life Is My Son  —  With his family problems of the past year made public, Hulk Hogan still says he's "doing okay" - and right now, it's his son, Nick, who most concerns him.  —  "I had some crazy days, and some things that caught me off guard," …