K-Fed's Lawyer to Brit — I'll Slap You Down B!  —  KFed's lawyer is fed up with Britney Spears, and we're told he's going in deep — for sanctions!  —  Sources connected with the case tell TMZ powerhouse lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan is furious that Britney was too sick to depo yesterday morning but not too sick to party in the evening.

EVA'S NOT DESPERATE OVER SEX GAL'S CLAIM  —  EVA Longoria isn't concerned that a French model claims she slept with Longo ria's husband, Tony Parker, after meeting him at their wedding.  The "Desperate Housewives" star held a huge feast in Parker's honor at their Hollywood Hills home the night …

VH1 'DESTROYS' BUSTED MODEL  —  "AMERICA'S Most Smartest Model" contestant Andre Birleanu, 25, may be America's most ticked-off model.  —  The notoriously aggressive contestant of the VH1 show, which tests flighty models on their brains and their brawn, told Page Six that the cable network is responsible for "destroying" him.

Us Weekly's Worst Dressed Celeb of the Year Is....  Oops!  She did it again.  And again.  And again.  —  With her crazy wig collection and continuing downward style spiral, Us Weekly has named Britney Spears — who was recently offered the role of the Virgin Mary — the worst dressed star of the year.

STRICTLY BUSINESS  —  RYAN Gosling was photographed last week with "Heroes" cutie Hayden Panettiere.  But Tuesday night, he only had eyes for Heath Ledger's ex, Michelle Williams.  The two had dinner at Piadina and were caught by onlookers having a cozy cigarette outside the West 10th Street eatery.

Marcia Cross Nude Pictures  —  Back in October of 2006, TMZ reported on some Marcia Cross nude pictures.  The naked pictures of the Desperate Housewives star were taken by her husband as she showered outdoors, and were "mistakenly thrown out" with the trash.

Charisma Lacking in the Dollar Department?  —  According to Charisma Carpenter, the writers' strike is slaying her earning capacity.  —  The former Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel star claims that the ongoing Writers Guild of America walkout has left her unemployed …

Paris Hilton turns up the heat for her new film role  —  She became an accidental film star early in her career, but now socialite Paris Hilton is hoping to become a real Hollywood actress.  —  Still, the 26-year-old hasn't strayed too far away from familiar territory …

Kidman wins damages over perfume claim  —  LONDON - Nicole Kidman accepted damages from The Daily Telegraph newspaper Friday for falsely reporting she had breached the terms of her promotional contract for Chanel No. 5 perfume.  —  Details of the settlement weren't disclosed, and the 40-year-old actress wasn't in court.

Carrie Underwood Goes Clubbing with Chace Crawford  —  Happy Anniversary, Carrie and Chace!  Okay, okay, it wasn't actually their anniversary.  But Carrie Underwood and Chace Crawford, who have been dating since October, certainly looked every bit the happy couple as they laughed and danced …

Confirmed: Jessica Simpson's Blonde Ambition Goes Straight to DVD  —  Maybe Jessica Simpson should stick with reality television - her latest attempt at big screen success won't even make it to the big screen.  —  Blonde Ambition, as Us first reported in August, is going straight to DVD.

Flirting with disaster  —  British pop singer Amy Winehouse performs during the Glastonbury music festival in Somerset, south-west England June 22, 2007  —  We're all expecting Amy Winehouse to die.  It seems inevitable, given the ferocious soul singer's combination of youth, chutzpah, talent, substance abuse and bad taste in men.

Underage Clubber Claims Les Deux Owner Raped Her  —  A 19-year-old girl has filed a lawsuit against Les Deux nightclub, claiming she was plied with alcohol and then anally and vaginally raped by the owner.  —  In court papers filed yesterday in L.A. County Superior Court …

Quentin Tarantino: "Lindsay's One of the Best"  —  He's transformed the careers of Uma Thurman and John Travolta, and now director Quentin Tarantino says that he'd love to work with Lindsay Lohan.  Said Tarantino, "[Lohan] is one of the best actresses in Hollywood."

Julia Roberts Talks About Golden Globes and Holiday Traditions  —  Julia Roberts says her Golden Globe nomination was a "thrilling" moment in her normally blissful, domestic life.  —  "Usually the triumph of my day is everybody making it to the potty," she cracks in an interview with Matt Lauer …

Brit Gets the Last Laugh ... for Once  —  Britney Spears managed to go to a gas station last night without forgetting anyone or stealing anything.  That's gotta count for something right?!  —  TMZ caught Spears making a stop at a Chevron on Sunset Blvd., running in to get her cigarette fix …

Jennifer Lopez Is Back in Black and NYC  —  Jennifer Lopez traded in her usually sky-high heels for some simple ballet flats and an incognito hat out shopping in NYC with her family yesterday.  If she was out shopping for more baby stuff, I'm sure we'll hear all about it soon enough …

He's just a friend, sez Rosanna Arquette  —  Rosanna Arquette swears she and Paul McCartney are just friends.  But the American actress continues to linger in England, where she and Sir Paul attended Monday's Led Zeppelin reunion concert.  Macca brought along his family.