K-Fed's Lawyer to Brit — I'll Slap You Down B!  —  KFed's lawyer is fed up with Britney Spears, and we're told he's going in deep — for sanctions!  —  Sources connected with the case tell TMZ powerhouse lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan is furious that Britney was too sick to depo yesterday morning but not too sick to party in the evening.

Studio: Jessica's Movie to Hit Texas Theaters Dec. 21  —  Jessica Simpson in Blonde Ambition  —  Jessica Simpson's film Blonde Ambition, costarring Luke Wilson, will be hitting theaters after all - with a limited run in Simpson's home state of Texas, the movie's studio confirms to PEOPLE.

Underage Clubber Claims Les Deux Owner Raped Her  —  A 19-year-old girl has filed a lawsuit against Les Deux nightclub, claiming she was plied with alcohol and then anally and vaginally raped by the owner.  —  In court papers filed yesterday in L.A. County Superior Court …

Lindsay Lohan — I Need Hannah Montana Tickets!  —  Lindsay Lohan pimped herself out on a Las Vegas radio station this morning, using her celebrity to try and get Hannah Montana tickets for a friend's kids.  Freaky Friday!  —  The legally blonde rehabbed 21-year-old placed the call to the …

Us Weekly's Worst Dressed Celeb of the Year Is....  Oops!  She did it again.  And again.  And again.  —  With her crazy wig collection and continuing downward style spiral, Us Weekly has named Britney Spears — who was recently offered the role of the Virgin Mary — the worst dressed star of the year.

Marcia Cross Nude Pictures  —  Back in October of 2006, TMZ reported on some Marcia Cross nude pictures.  The naked pictures of the Desperate Housewives star were taken by her husband as she showered outdoors, and were "mistakenly thrown out" with the trash.

VH1 'DESTROYS' BUSTED MODEL  —  "AMERICA'S Most Smartest Model" contestant Andre Birleanu, 25, may be America's most ticked-off model.  —  The notoriously aggressive contestant of the VH1 show, which tests flighty models on their brains and their brawn, told Page Six that the cable network is responsible for "destroying" him.

Picture Exclusive: Hugh Grant's sleazy show  —  NAUGHTY BOYS EXCLUSIVE  —  Hugh Grant outraged diners at a chic restaurant by openly snogging a mystery woman while a friend caressed her thigh.  —  The sleazy scenes lasted for up to 20 minutes during which Grant, apparently drunk, seemed oblivious to the offence he was causing.

Growing On Me?  —  I don't know.  Maybe Rumer Willis' knew kitchen sink weave isn't so bad after all.  Ugh, it looks like it was made using Ashton Kutcher's pube hair, but it's a slight upgrade.  I'm confused.  She looks like a Christmas Cocker Spaniel, so at least she's getting into the holiday spirit.

Quentin Tarantino: "Lindsay's One of the Best"  —  He's transformed the careers of Uma Thurman and John Travolta, and now director Quentin Tarantino says that he'd love to work with Lindsay Lohan.  Said Tarantino, "[Lohan] is one of the best actresses in Hollywood."

Shawn Pyfrom Talks About 'Housewives,' The Writers' Strike, Playing Danny Bonaduce & More  —  Shawn Pyfrom is amazingly astute and mature for a man of his age.  At only 21, he already has some fine ideas and ideals.  Starpulse talked to him recently about his past work …

Femail  —  Sharon hates Dannii.  Simon fancies Dannii, but Louis picks on her because he loves Sharon.  Oh, and Simon's the one who (reluctantly) sacked Louis  —  Frank Lampard and his fiancée stole the show at Chelsea's fancy dress party, which saw John Terry dressed as Mr Incredible and Claudio Pizarro as Caesar

US POLL: Is Shiloh the Most Influential Celeb Infant?  —  Forbes says Brad and Angie's baby has the biggest impact on pop culture

Paris Hilton turns up the heat for her new film role  —  She became an accidental film star early in her career, but now socialite Paris Hilton is hoping to become a real Hollywood actress.  —  Still, the 26-year-old hasn't strayed too far away from familiar territory …

Charisma Lacking in the Dollar Department?  —  According to Charisma Carpenter, the writers' strike is slaying her earning capacity.  —  The former Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel star claims that the ongoing Writers Guild of America walkout has left her unemployed …

ATTENTION!  ATTENTION EVERYONE!!!  I have an important announcement.  —  Barring any imminent settlement of the WGA strike, the 2007 Golden Globe Awards will be held at my apartment on the Westside of Manhattan this year.  I have cleared all of this with the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.