Brit Has Bailed  —  We need some of them vitamins Brit takes.  Britney left the courthouse after circling, entering, leaving, circling and finally bailing.  —  When Britney got out of the car at the courthouse, she screamed at photogs, “Move back, I'm scared.  Stop it, stop it.

CRUISE PULLS YOU A LITTLE CLOSER TO XENU  —  You know that wacky Tom Cruise commercial for Scientology that was floating around the Internet and was then promptly removed from the Internet?  That's it up there.  It's about nine minutes long, but it'll be the weirdest nine minutes of video …

No Visitation for Brit  —  The Commissioner has just ruled that Britney will not have visitation restored, at least until the next hearing on February 19.  —  The order came after the testimony several people, including two LAPD cops who responded to the craziness a week ago Thursday …

WTF Happened to Jessica Biel's Face!?  —  Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on with Jessica Biel's face?  Now, I know she's not wearing any make-up, and that most celebrities really aren't anything special without make-up, but Holy Crap!  It's like someone scraped all the pretty off of Jessica Biel.

Johnny Depp's £1m gift for Great Ormond Street, the hospital that saved his daughter's life  —  Johnny Depp secretly visited Great Ormond Street Hospital yesterday to donate £1 million of his own money to thank staff for saving his daughter's life.

Paris Goes Down, Again — Caught on Tape!  —  Paris Hilton ate s**t last night while getting out of her car.  —  Sucks for her — but hilarious for everyone else!  —  See Also  — Paris' Menage a Seven

Exclusive: Keri Russell Cast as Wonder Woman!  —  Fanboys and girls the world over are about to find out what I've known all along: Keri Russell is a superhero!  —  Reliable sources confirm to me exclusively that my reigning BFF is in advanced talks to voice the title role in Warner Bros' straight-to-DVD animated Wonder Woman feature.

That's my kid, man: dad to deliver the good news  —  Not everyone agrees with Nicole Kidman's parents being at the business end of her pregnancy.  —  IT MIGHT be a dad's job to deliver his daughter to the school dance, but what about delivering her babies?

Katie Holmes Just Needs To Stop  —  What in Gloria Vanderbilt is going on with Katie Holmes?  She just needs to dye her hair white already.  Get it over with.  She's f**king turning into Carol Channing.  That's probably Tommy's plan.  The gays love some Channing.

Matthew McConaughey: I Lost My Virginity at Age 15  —  Matthew McConaughey talks the birds and the bees in the February issue of Playboy.  —  When asked when he lost his virginity, he tells the magazine, “Fifteen."  —  How'd it happen?  —  “None of your business,” he says.  “I don't tell bedroom tales.

ANNA NICOLE'S CROOKED LIFESTYLE SEEN IN CHILD  —  POISONED TREES BEAR BRUISED FRUIT  —  As if life won't be difficult enough for hard-won meal ticket Dannielynn Birkhead, now comes news that she's cross-eyed, and her father, Lawrence Birkhead, is wary of corrective surgery.

Jamie Oliver to cut up corpse  —  Jamie Oliver is set to shock TV viewers into eating healthier food - by cutting up a 25 stone man who ate himself to death.  —  The TV chef teams up with celebrity surgeon Gunther von Hagens for the gruesome autopsy on the anonymous corpse.