Career Climbing, With Claws Bared  —  The pseudo-improvised reality series “The Hills,” as it plays out beyond MTV, on tabloid covers and in nearly every other byway of the modern media, is above all a vicious decimator of hope.  It mocks our hearts; it plays with our allegiances, and we welcome the abuse.

Welcome back to England, David!  Chilly reception for Beckham as he arrives for training from LA  —  David Beckham received a frosty welcome after flying to London for a training session with England today.  —  The football star, who left sunny LA over the weekend, braved the snow for a warm …

Harsh  —  Truckstop hooker, Pamela Anderson or all of the above?  Eeesh.  I now have a face for my worst hangover and that's Pamela Anderson.  I need to drink down an Emergen-C after looking at her pictures.  Anyway, Pamela Anderson put on an old bed sheet to join her ex, Tommy Lee, and their boys at the movies yesterday.

Justin Timberlake Donates $200,000 to His Hometown  —  Justin Timberlake doesn't just bring “SexyBack.”  The 27-year-old singer also knows how to give back - in a big way.  —  On Thursday, the Memphis native gave two separate donations of $100,000 to the Memphis Rock ‘n’ Soul Museum and the Memphis Music Foundation.

Kate and Owen Use Buddy System for Their Bike Ride  —  Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson spent Easter weekend together in Miami - and this time, the on-again duo were joined by Hudson's son, Ryder, for coffee runs and bike rides.  —  After getting in some sunbathing, Hudson (accompanied by Ryder on one bike) …

‘Fifth Beatle’ Neil Aspinall loses cancer battle with Sir Paul McCartney by his bedside  —  The man known as the “Fifth Beatle” has died aged 66.  —  Neil Aspinall had been fighting for his life in hospital in New York.  —  Sir Paul McCartney flew out over the weekend to be by his bedside.

Oprah Winfrey's Cocker Spaniel Dies  —  Oprah Winfrey's 13-year-old Cocker Spaniel, Sophie, has passed away of kidney failure.  —  “Everyone here is really sad,” a source at her Harpo production company told Celebrity Dog Watcher.  “Sophie was truly part of the Harpo family as well as Oprah's.”

Priscilla Presley Victim of Phony Cosmetic Doc  —  TMZ has learned Priscilla Presley is the victim of a botched cosmetic procedure.  What's worse — it was at the hands of a gigolo who was sent to prison for perpetrating an injectable scam on Hollywood's elite.

Dumb Skank!  —  Wonky McValtrex is in South Africa and she was asked what she thought of the place.  She answered, “I love Africa in general — South Africa and West Africa, they are both great countries.”  —  I expect nothing less from this jizz-for-brains slag!

She's Totally Peeing  —  Jodie Foster has that “I just peed in the water” grimace on her face.  One of the only reasons to go into the ocean is to pee.  It's a great feeling.  One of my favorite things to do is to pee near a group of people to see them look at each other in disgust.

J.K. Rowling Admits She Was Suicidal  —  Though she has made no secret of how her life had sunk before her immense success with the Harry Potter series, J.K. Rowling has never before detailed that despondent period of her life.  —  That now has changed, with the author, 42 …

Pam and Rick Are Officially History  —  Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon are officially kaput.  —  TMZ obtained legal papers filed a few minutes ago in L.A. County Superior Court, annulling the marriage that was shorter than Pam's skirts.  —  The marriage was annulled on grounds of fraud.

Crash Victim to Hogans: You're Responsible  —  The family of John Graziano, the man injured in Nick Hogan's August 2007 street racing crash, has filed suit against Hulk, Linda and Nick Hogan alleging they were negligent and are directly liable for the wreck that seriously injured the former Marine.

Johnny Knoxville, Single Jackass  —  Johnny Knoxville is officially on the market.  His divorce has been signed, sealed and delivered.  —  Knoxville, who was married to wife Melanie Lynn for 11 years, is officially unhitched, according to legal papers obtained by TMZ and filed in L.A. Superior Court.

Throw a Party!  Jessica Alba's Smiling!  —  Jessica Alba was all smiles (for once!) with Cash by her side at Baron Davis' surprise birthday party in LA on Saturday night.  The Golden State Warriors star looked a little scholarly in his glasses with his celebrity friends while Jessica showed off that growing baby bump in a cute dress.