Career Climbing, With Claws Bared  —  The pseudo-improvised reality series “The Hills,” as it plays out beyond MTV, on tabloid covers and in nearly every other byway of the modern media, is above all a vicious decimator of hope.  It mocks our hearts; it plays with our allegiances, and we welcome the abuse.

Harsh  —  Truckstop hooker, Pamela Anderson or all of the above?  Eeesh.  I now have a face for my worst hangover and that's Pamela Anderson.  I need to drink down an Emergen-C after looking at her pictures.  Anyway, Pamela Anderson put on an old bed sheet to join her ex, Tommy Lee, and their boys at the movies yesterday.

Pregnant Angelina Jolie Takes Zahara Toy Shopping  —  A pregnant Angelina Jolie and Zahara, 3, toyed around in Texas last week.  —  On Wednesday, they hit Party Pig Superstore in Sunset Valley.  —  Hiding her bump in a black trench coat, Jolie, 32, carried Zahara, who held on to her blankie as they browsed the aisles for an hour.

Priscilla Presley Victim of Phony Cosmetic Doc  —  TMZ has learned Priscilla Presley is the victim of a botched cosmetic procedure.  What's worse — it was at the hands of a gigolo who was sent to prison for perpetrating an injectable scam on Hollywood's elite.

Heidi Klum: Naked and Painted  —  If you're wondering what's hotter than pictures of Heidi Klum naked, might I suggest pictures of Heidi Klum naked, and painted to look like she isn't naked?  Cuz it's like, from far away, you think she's just half naked, wearing a shirt and bikini bottoms …

Crash Victim to Hogans: You're Responsible  —  The family of John Graziano, the man injured in Nick Hogan's August 2007 street racing crash, has filed suit against Hulk, Linda and Nick Hogan alleging they were negligent and are directly liable for the wreck that seriously injured the former Marine.

Miley Cyrus Dedicates Web Video to Jesus  —  Miley Cyrus and best friend Mandy Jiroux dedicate their latest YouTube installment of The Miley and Mandy Show to answering viewer questions - and to Jesus.  —  The squeaky-clean duo divulge everything from their favorite color (blue for both) …

Justin Timberlake Donates $200,000 to Hometown  —  Nice to know Justin Timberlake hasn't forgotten where he came from.  —  The “Sexy Back” singer, 27, made two separate donations of $100,000 to his hometown's Memphis Rock ‘N’ Soul Museum and the Memphis Music Foundation on Thursday.

Hilary Duff's Breasts Keep Growing!!!  —  I've know I've brought this up many times, but now I'm convinced Hilary Duff's breasts have been enhanced - and not just by the push-up bra that she's wearing.  Judging by this old photo, and now this profile shot of her in a wifebeater, Hilary has some serious explaining to do.

Oprah Winfrey's Cocker Spaniel Dies  —  Oprah Winfrey's 13-year-old Cocker Spaniel, Sophie, has passed away of kidney failure.  —  “Everyone here is really sad,” a source at her Harpo production company told Celebrity Dog Watcher.  “Sophie was truly part of the Harpo family as well as Oprah's.”

Country Star Sara Evans Engaged  —  Country star and Dancing with the Stars alum Sara Evans, who underwent a very public divorce battle last year, has found love again with beau Jay Barker, a former quarterback at the University of Alabama - and the two now plan to marry, Evans's rep, Lori Genes, tells PEOPLE exclusively.

She's Totally Peeing  —  Jodie Foster has that “I just peed in the water” grimace on her face.  One of the only reasons to go into the ocean is to pee.  It's a great feeling.  One of my favorite things to do is to pee near a group of people to see them look at each other in disgust.

Dumb Skank!  —  Wonky McValtrex is in South Africa and she was asked what she thought of the place.  She answered, “I love Africa in general — South Africa and West Africa, they are both great countries.”  —  I expect nothing less from this jizz-for-brains slag!