Career Climbing, With Claws Bared  —  The pseudo-improvised reality series “The Hills,” as it plays out beyond MTV, on tabloid covers and in nearly every other byway of the modern media, is above all a vicious decimator of hope.  It mocks our hearts; it plays with our allegiances, and we welcome the abuse.

Harsh  —  Truckstop hooker, Pamela Anderson or all of the above?  Eeesh.  I now have a face for my worst hangover and that's Pamela Anderson.  I need to drink down an Emergen-C after looking at her pictures.  Anyway, Pamela Anderson put on an old bed sheet to join her ex, Tommy Lee, and their boys at the movies yesterday.

Priscilla Presley Victim of Phony Cosmetic Doc  —  TMZ has learned Priscilla Presley is the victim of a botched cosmetic procedure.  What's worse — it was at the hands of a gigolo who was sent to prison for perpetrating an injectable scam on Hollywood's elite.

Miley Cyrus Dedicates Web Video to Jesus  —  Miley Cyrus and best friend Mandy Jiroux dedicate their latest YouTube installment of The Miley and Mandy Show to answering viewer questions - and to Jesus.  —  The squeaky-clean duo divulge everything from their favorite color (blue for both) …

Justin Timberlake Donates $200,000 to Hometown  —  Nice to know Justin Timberlake hasn't forgotten where he came from.  —  The “Sexy Back” singer, 27, made two separate donations of $100,000 to his hometown's Memphis Rock ‘N’ Soul Museum and the Memphis Music Foundation on Thursday.

Oprah Winfrey's Cocker Spaniel Dies  —  Oprah Winfrey's 13-year-old Cocker Spaniel, Sophie, has passed away of kidney failure.  —  “Everyone here is really sad,” a source at her Harpo production company told Celebrity Dog Watcher.  “Sophie was truly part of the Harpo family as well as Oprah's.”

Kate and Owen Use Buddy System for Their Bike Ride  —  Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson spent Easter weekend together in Miami - and this time, the on-again duo were joined by Hudson's son, Ryder, for coffee runs and bike rides.  —  After getting in some sunbathing, Hudson (accompanied by Ryder on one bike) …

Heidi Klum: Naked and Painted  —  If you're wondering what's hotter than pictures of Heidi Klum naked, might I suggest pictures of Heidi Klum naked, and painted to look like she isn't naked?  Cuz it's like, from far away, you think she's just half naked, wearing a shirt and bikini bottoms …

She's Totally Peeing  —  Jodie Foster has that “I just peed in the water” grimace on her face.  One of the only reasons to go into the ocean is to pee.  It's a great feeling.  One of my favorite things to do is to pee near a group of people to see them look at each other in disgust.

Dumb Skank!  —  Wonky McValtrex is in South Africa and she was asked what she thought of the place.  She answered, “I love Africa in general — South Africa and West Africa, they are both great countries.”  —  I expect nothing less from this jizz-for-brains slag!

Crash Victim to Hogans: You're Responsible  —  The family of John Graziano, the man injured in Nick Hogan's August 2007 street racing crash, has filed suit against Hulk, Linda and Nick Hogan alleging they were negligent and are directly liable for the wreck that seriously injured the former Marine.

Pam and Rick Are Officially History  —  Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon are officially kaput.  —  TMZ obtained legal papers filed a few minutes ago in L.A. County Superior Court, annulling the marriage that was shorter than Pam's skirts.  —  The marriage was annulled on grounds of fraud.

Angelina Jolie is a Party Pig  —  Angelina Jolie takes 3-year-old daughter Zahara for a little toy shopping at a Party Pig Superstore in in Sunset Valley, Texas last Wednesday.  —  The mother-daughter duo spent an hour picking up toys.  Angie pushed a yellow shopping cart around while Princess Zee clutched onto her blankie.

Johnny Knoxville, Single Jackass  —  Johnny Knoxville is officially on the market.  His divorce has been signed, sealed and delivered.  —  Knoxville, who was married to wife Melanie Lynn for 11 years, is officially unhitched, according to legal papers obtained by TMZ and filed in L.A. Superior Court.

EXCL: SHH!  Chats Up Maggie G. on Dark Knight  —  One of the surprises from last week's ShoWest Convention in Las Vegas was Warner Bros.' star-studded “The Big Picture” presentation which featured some of the cast and filmmakers of the studio's big summer movies including Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight.

Throw a Party!  Jessica Alba's Smiling!  —  Jessica Alba was all smiles (for once!) with Cash by her side at Baron Davis' surprise birthday party in LA on Saturday night.  The Golden State Warriors star looked a little scholarly in his glasses with his celebrity friends while Jessica showed off that growing baby bump in a cute dress.