ASHLEE PHOTO PITCH LOW-BALLED  —  THE Simpson sisters' dad-ager, Joe Simpson, is trying to cash in on the baby-crazed trend in celebrity magazines - but he's having a difficult time.  —  A magazine source said, “Joe is contacting all the weeklies and asking them to pony up $1 million to put Ashlee on the cover.”

Akon's Con Job  —  The platinum-selling R&B artist has fabricated a past as ringleader of a “notorious” car theft ring who spent 4 1/2 years in jail.  —  In the hip-hop world, a performer's street cred can often be gauged by the number of entries on their rap sheet, the time they have spent behind bars …

HOT AND HEAVY  —  ODD couple alert!  “Arrested Development” star David Cross, 43, arrived at the after-party for Morgan Spurlock's new documentary, “Where in the World Is Osama bin Laden?,” at Pink Elephant Tuesday night with “Joan of Arcadia” star Amber Tamblyn, 24.

Dad: Nanny's Half-Sister Also Worked for Rob Lowe  —  Accuser Jessica Gibson, and Rob Lowe  —  Jessica Gibson got her job as a nanny for Rob Lowe with the help of a family connection - her half-sister Jamie had also worked for Lowe, their father tells PEOPLE.

Sam Lutfi: I'm “Cooperating” With Britney Spears' Family  —  Sam Lutfi says he is on Britney Spears' side as he fights against an extension of a restraining order from her family.  —  “Sam and the family are communicating and cooperating trying to do whats best for Britney,” Lutfi's spokesman …

Ashley Tisdale graduates ‘High School’  —  Ashley Tisdale is taking strides to capitalize on the heat generated by her “High School Musical” career.  —  Tisdale, known for playing rich-girl Sharpay Evans in Disney Channel's “HSM” franchise, is in negotiations to star in a remake of “Teen Witch” for United Artists.

Serena Williams & Common's Cozy Miami Weekend  —  Serena Williams and Common  —  Tennis star Serena Williams and hip-hop artist Common made no secret of their blossoming relationship this past weekend in Miami, where they went club-hopping hand-in-hand.  —  The new couple were spotted …

Posh and new best friends Kate and Eva dine out ahead of 34th birthday...but where were the Cruises?  —  Victoria Beckham's stepped out with a gaggle of high-profile girlfriends for an early 34th birthday celebration - British actress Kate Beckinsale, and Eva Longoria - but where was girlfriend Katie Holmes and husband Tom Cruise?

Gordon's Smart's bizarre  —  JAILED rocker PETE DOHERTY stares vacantly in his cell — amid revelations he is shooting up heroin in the prison's DETOX unit.  —  The junkie singer, 29, has been injecting smack smuggled into London's tough Wormwood Scrubs slammer.

Hilary Duff Dishes on Avril, Lindsay and Miley  —  Hilary Duff may have been in show business for a decade, but she's never gotten used to tangling with her fellow celebutantes.  —  “It's hard to find people who don't feel like they're in competition with you,” she tells Allure in its May issue.

Paris Hilton: Kim Kardashian Has a “Cottage Cheese” Butt  —  Paris Hilton caused some derriere drama last week when she slammed ex-BFF Kim Kardashian's booty in a Las Vegas radio interview.  —  “I would not want [Kim's butt] — it's gross!” she dissed.  “It reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag.”

Joel Madden: Daughter Harlow Is My ‘True Love’  —  Good Charlotte rocker and first-time dad Joel Madden, 29, just can't stop gushing about his 3-month-old little girl, Harlow Winter.  —  At a concert Wednesday night at Queen's College in New York, Nicole Richie's boyfriend told the crowd of 1,700 students …

Are Jodie Marsh's 32GGs the most ludicrous breasts in Britain?  —  In 2003 Jodie Marsh's natural cleavage was a badge of honour in her ongoing feud with nemesis and plastic surgery aficionado Jordan.  —  But five years on, it's abundantly clear the glamour model has had a change of heart.

Saget Makes John Mayer His Bitch  —  How's this for ass-backwards — John Mayer doing crowd control for Bob Saget?!  —  Those die hard “Full House” fans can be brutal ... especially outside Villa.  —  See Also  — John Mayer — Vin Numb-Scully  — Foot Fungus for John Mayer?