ASHLEE PHOTO PITCH LOW-BALLED  —  THE Simpson sisters' dad-ager, Joe Simpson, is trying to cash in on the baby-crazed trend in celebrity magazines - but he's having a difficult time.  —  A magazine source said, “Joe is contacting all the weeklies and asking them to pony up $1 million to put Ashlee on the cover.”

Akon's Con Job  —  The platinum-selling R&B artist has fabricated a past as ringleader of a “notorious” car theft ring who spent 4 1/2 years in jail.  —  In the hip-hop world, a performer's street cred can often be gauged by the number of entries on their rap sheet, the time they have spent behind bars …

HOT AND HEAVY  —  ODD couple alert!  “Arrested Development” star David Cross, 43, arrived at the after-party for Morgan Spurlock's new documentary, “Where in the World Is Osama bin Laden?,” at Pink Elephant Tuesday night with “Joan of Arcadia” star Amber Tamblyn, 24.

Brit May Club for a Living  —  Sources tell TMZ Britney Spears is in negotiation with Bally Total Fitness to be a frontwoman for the company — and backwoman, too!  —  Here's what we know.  Brit's parents have both been talking to Bally about making a deal.  Daddy Jamie has the power as co-conservator to make it happen.

Dad: Nanny's Half-Sister Also Worked for Rob Lowe  —  Accuser Jessica Gibson, and Rob Lowe  —  Jessica Gibson got her job as a nanny for Rob Lowe with the help of a family connection - her half-sister Jamie had also worked for Lowe, their father tells PEOPLE.

Posh and new best friends Kate and Eva dine out ahead of 34th birthday...but where were the Cruises?  —  Victoria Beckham's stepped out with a gaggle of high-profile girlfriends for an early 34th birthday celebration - British actress Kate Beckinsale, and Eva Longoria - but where was girlfriend Katie Holmes and husband Tom Cruise?

Serena Williams & Common's Cozy Miami Weekend  —  Serena Williams and Common  —  Tennis star Serena Williams and hip-hop artist Common made no secret of their blossoming relationship this past weekend in Miami, where they went club-hopping hand-in-hand.  —  The new couple were spotted …

Hilary Duff Dishes on Avril, Lindsay and Miley  —  Hilary Duff may have been in show business for a decade, but she's never gotten used to tangling with her fellow celebutantes.  —  “It's hard to find people who don't feel like they're in competition with you,” she tells Allure in its May issue.

Ashley Tisdale graduates ‘High School’  —  Ashley Tisdale is taking strides to capitalize on the heat generated by her “High School Musical” career.  —  Tisdale, known for playing rich-girl Sharpay Evans in Disney Channel's “HSM” franchise, is in negotiations to star in a remake of “Teen Witch” for United Artists.

Paris Hilton: Kim Kardashian Has a “Cottage Cheese” Butt  —  Paris Hilton caused some derriere drama last week when she slammed ex-BFF Kim Kardashian's booty in a Las Vegas radio interview.  —  “I would not want [Kim's butt] — it's gross!” she dissed.  “It reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag.”

Gordon's Smart's bizarre  —  JAILED rocker PETE DOHERTY stares vacantly in his cell — amid revelations he is shooting up heroin in the prison's DETOX unit.  —  The junkie singer, 29, has been injecting smack smuggled into London's tough Wormwood Scrubs slammer.

Joel Madden: Daughter Harlow Is My ‘True Love’  —  Good Charlotte rocker and first-time dad Joel Madden, 29, just can't stop gushing about his 3-month-old little girl, Harlow Winter.  —  At a concert Wednesday night at Queen's College in New York, Nicole Richie's boyfriend told the crowd of 1,700 students …

Saget Makes John Mayer His Bitch  —  How's this for ass-backwards — John Mayer doing crowd control for Bob Saget?!  —  Those die hard “Full House” fans can be brutal ... especially outside Villa.  —  See Also  — John Mayer — Vin Numb-Scully  — Foot Fungus for John Mayer?

Miley to Pen Autobiography  —  Fifteen may sound too young to write an autobiography — but not if you've lived the life Miley Cyrus has!  And sources tell OK! that the tween queen is set to dish on all the details of her young yet eventful life in a new autobiography.  —  The catch?

Are Jodie Marsh's 32GGs the most ludicrous breasts in Britain?  —  In 2003 Jodie Marsh's natural cleavage was a badge of honour in her ongoing feud with nemesis and plastic surgery aficionado Jordan.  —  But five years on, it's abundantly clear the glamour model has had a change of heart.