ASHLEE PHOTO PITCH LOW-BALLED  —  THE Simpson sisters' dad-ager, Joe Simpson, is trying to cash in on the baby-crazed trend in celebrity magazines - but he's having a difficult time.  —  A magazine source said, “Joe is contacting all the weeklies and asking them to pony up $1 million to put Ashlee on the cover.”

Akon's Con Job  —  The platinum-selling R&B artist has fabricated a past as ringleader of a “notorious” car theft ring who spent 4 1/2 years in jail.  —  In the hip-hop world, a performer's street cred can often be gauged by the number of entries on their rap sheet, the time they have spent behind bars …

Brit May Club for a Living  —  Sources tell TMZ Britney Spears is in negotiation with Bally Total Fitness to be a frontwoman for the company — and backwoman, too!  —  Here's what we know.  Brit's parents have both been talking to Bally about making a deal.  Daddy Jamie has the power as co-conservator to make it happen.

Paris Hilton: Kim Kardashian Has a “Cottage Cheese” Butt  —  Paris Hilton caused some derriere drama last week when she slammed ex-BFF Kim Kardashian's booty in a Las Vegas radio interview.  —  “I would not want [Kim's butt] — it's gross!” she dissed.  “It reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag.”

Posh and new best friends Kate and Eva dine out ahead of 34th birthday...but where were the Cruises?  —  Victoria Beckham's stepped out with a gaggle of high-profile girlfriends for an early 34th birthday celebration - British actress Kate Beckinsale, and Eva Longoria - but where was girlfriend Katie Holmes and husband Tom Cruise?

HOT AND HEAVY  —  ODD couple alert!  “Arrested Development” star David Cross, 43, arrived at the after-party for Morgan Spurlock's new documentary, “Where in the World Is Osama bin Laden?,” at Pink Elephant Tuesday night with “Joan of Arcadia” star Amber Tamblyn, 24.

Idol Kristy Lee Cook Is Engaged!  —  A day after her American Idol ousting, Kristy Lee Cook announced she is getting hitched.  —  Cook, 24, said her 25-year-old beau, Andrew Dobner, first popped the question on March 17.  —  They kept the news “on the down-low” because …

Joel Madden: Daughter Harlow Is My ‘True Love’  —  Good Charlotte rocker and first-time dad Joel Madden, 29, just can't stop gushing about his 3-month-old little girl, Harlow Winter.  —  At a concert Wednesday night at Queen's College in New York, Nicole Richie's boyfriend told the crowd of 1,700 students …

Hilary Duff Dishes on Avril, Lindsay and Miley  —  Hilary Duff may have been in show business for a decade, but she's never gotten used to tangling with her fellow celebutantes.  —  “It's hard to find people who don't feel like they're in competition with you,” she tells Allure in its May issue.

Nicole Narain Nipple Slip  —  Here's Playboy model Nicole Narain.  You might remember her as the girl in the Colin Farrell sex tape but if you don't, well she's the hot piece of ass in these pictures showing off her nipple outside some club in LA. She kinda of reminds me of a younger …

Serena Williams & Common's Cozy Miami Weekend  —  Serena Williams and Common  —  Tennis star Serena Williams and hip-hop artist Common made no secret of their blossoming relationship this past weekend in Miami, where they went club-hopping hand-in-hand.  —  The new couple were spotted …

Scoop: Search for Paris' BFF not going well  —  Plus, Owen and Kate still on; latest on ‘Living Lohan’  —  The search for Paris Hilton's new best friend is not going as well as the heiress would have hoped.  The first kink in the plan?  The turnout at the New York City casting call for …

Dad: Nanny's Half-Sister Also Worked for Rob Lowe  —  Accuser Jessica Gibson, and Rob Lowe  —  Jessica Gibson got her job as a nanny for Rob Lowe with the help of a family connection - her half-sister Jamie had also worked for Lowe, their father tells PEOPLE.

Saget Makes John Mayer His Bitch  —  How's this for ass-backwards — John Mayer doing crowd control for Bob Saget?!  —  Those die hard “Full House” fans can be brutal ... especially outside Villa.  —  See Also  — John Mayer — Vin Numb-Scully  — Foot Fungus for John Mayer?