If We Wore This, We'd Be On The Verge Of Tears Too  —  Photo courtesy of Getty Images Jessica Simpson performed at the 99.9 Kiss Country 24th Annual Chili Cook Off in Pembroke Pines, Florida over the weekend, and yes, this is what she wore.  Judging by the look on her face, it's pretty safe to assume that Jess knows she effed up.

Breaking: ABC benches ‘Ugly Betty’  —  Things are looking pretty gloomy for Ugly Betty.  —  In a just-announced Thursday night scheduling tweak, ABC is benching Betty beginning March 26 and replacing it with episodes of Samantha Who? and the new Megan Mullally-Cheryl Hines comedy In the Motherhood.

JEOPARDY!  ONLINE TEST  —  Welcome to the Jeopardy!  Online Test, where you can take the first step toward becoming a contestant on America's Favorite Quiz Show®!  —  Take special note of the date and start time for the test in your local time zone.  East Coast viewers: Central/Mountain viewers:

Mike White & Dad Sign Up For ‘Amazing Race,’ Prepare Unsettling ‘Chuck & Buck’ Gambit  —  As the screenwriter/actor behind School of Rock, Nacho Libre, and Chuck & Buck, Mike White's oeuvre has always lacked one thing: rattlesnake stings on the soundtrack.  Now, where he's going, that won't be a problem.

Jennifer Aniston might be an Oscar presenter  —  As reports go, this one is pretty juicy.  Jennifer Aniston might be a presenter at the Oscars, showing up on the night when her ex-husband Brad Pitt is nominated for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and her “uncool” arch-nemesis Angelina Jolie is nominated for Changeling.

.....The F**k?  —  Warning.  Watch one of these two videos might get you on the National Sex Offenders list.  You've been warned.  But seriously, this is every shade of WTF.  Scandalist posted two clips from a 1995 documentary about The Chippendiddys.  Yeah, some motherf**ker …

‘Wrestler’ star Rourke to get in WWE ring  —  Actor says he'll participate in ‘Wrestlemania 25’ on April 5 in Houston  —  LOS ANGELES - Mickey Rourke has received critical acclaim for his comeback role in “The Wrestler,” where he plays a former pro wrestling legend who falls on hard times.

Mayer Tape Recovered — Unusual Girth Exposed  —  He's good enough, and he's smart enough ... but did John Mayer carefully check his junky VCR before tossing it out of his NY apt. last week?  We're definitely not sayin' that's where this “self-help” video came from, but....

DeAnna Pappas on Upcoming Bachelor Appearance: It'll Be ‘Worth the Wait’  —  Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas didn't get her fairy-tale ending after enduring two seasons on the reality dating show, but that hasn't stopped her from helping other frazzled brides-to-be plan their big day as the host of Get Married …

Kate And Her Husband Play It Safe  —  Apparently, Kate Winslet and her husband Sam Mendes both had some f**ked up travel experiences.  Sam was supposed to be on American Airlines flight 77 on 9/11.  A month later, Kate was on a flight with her daughter Mia and then-husband Jim Threapleton …

Pitt-Jolie Malibu mansion to hit market  —  Plus: Clooney casting call; Parker's marriage is fine  —  At Newsweek's Oscar roundtable Brad Pitt mentioned that he and Angelina Jolie are putting their Malibu house up for sale.  (Robert Downey Jr., citing his “pretty good year,” seemed interested in buying it.)

Dakota Fanning Calls New Moon Role ‘Fantastic’  —  Dakota Fanning is ready to bare her fangs as vampire Jane in the Twilight sequel New Moon.  —  “I really hope it works out,” Fanning, 14, told Hitfix.com while promoting her current thriller, Push.  “It would be a really fantastic experience, I'm sure.”

Drew Barrymore on Being Single: “It's Great!”  —  The first line in the movie He's Just Not That Into You proclaims, “A girl will never forget the first boy she ever liked.”  —  For Drew Barrymore, it was Alex Rubenstein.  —  “He used to leave me love letters in the trash,” Barrymore tells me with a laugh.

Scientologist Bijou Phillips to depressed people: ‘get over it’  —  Bijou Phillips wants you to just get over your depression.  And your sadness.  And your anxiety.  Just tell it to go away, push it out, dance it out, whatever.  But don't you dare act like you're depressed …