Lindsay Lohan's New Movie Goes Straight to Cable  —  Lindsay Lohan got some reel bad news this week: Her new movie, Labor Pains, is headed straight to cable.  —  The film's production company, Nu Image/Millennium Films, has confirmed that the comedy will premiere on ABC Family in July 2009.

Madonna Files Adoption Papers for Second Malawian Child  —  Madonna is trying to adopt another child from the impoverished African country of Malawi.  —  An official at the Malawi welfare department confirms to the Associated Press that the singer, 50, has filed adoption papers.

Shawn Johnson's Alleged Stalker  —  TMZ has obtained photos of Robert O'Ryan — the man accused of stalking Shawn Johnson.  You will see him in court shortly, and he now looks more like Charles Manson than the clean cut dude you're looking at.  —  O'Ryan, 34, was arrested Tuesday morning …

SCARLETT JOHANSSON IS THINNING OUT  —  SAY it ain't so, ScarJo!  Sultry Scarlett Johansson is getting rid of her famous curves.  Eyes popped Tuesday night at Moet & Chandon's “Tribute to Film” soiree at London's Big Sky Studios when the “very slim” actress, who's married to Ryan Reynolds, strutted in wearing a tight, black minidress.

Schoolboy Alfie Patten, 13, NOT the daddy  —  The schoolboy alleged to have become a dad aged 12 is not the baby's father, the Mirror can reveal.  —  Alfie Patten, now 13, had a £300 DNA test after half a dozen boys claimed to have slept with schoolgirl pal Chantelle Stedman, 15.

Rihanna Gets Gun Tattoo on Rib Cage  —  Rihanna, who was allegedly battered by boyfriend Chris Brown, has apparently gotten a gun tattoo etched across her ribcage.  —  According to Los Angeles-based tattoo artist BangBang, the 21-year-old singer — who often wears a miniature gun pendant necklace …

Jeffrey Dean Morgan Discovers He Has a 4-Year-Old Son  —  Denny Duquette is suddenly a daddy!  —  Former Grey's Anatomy star Jeffrey Dean Morgan, 42, recently found out that he has a child with actress/producer Sherrie Rose, Us Weekly reveals in its newest issue.

STUCK AT HOME  —  PARTY animals-turned-parents Ashlee Simpson (above) and Pete Wentz are having trouble with their new domestic lifestyle.  An insider told Page Six, “Ashlee and Pete are on the rocks.  He is going out all the time and she's stuck at home.  It's just not working.”

Gwyneth Paltrow to design her own collection for autumn/winter 09.  —  Gwyneth Paltrow has collaborated on the designs for a capsule collection - ZOEtee's Loves Gwyneth - with the French label ZOEtee's, famous for super-soft jerseywear and versatile separates.

The Bachelor's Jason Visits Molly in Her Hometown  —  It's been nearly a month since The Bachelor's Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney inspired shock and outrage by rekindling their romance on national TV — at the expense of Jason's jilted fiancée Melissa Rycroft.  —  So how is the couple doing now?

Mugler for Beyoncé: Woman Meets Warrior  —  “The duality between being a woman and a warrior.”  —  That's the spirit Thierry Mugler wanted to capture with the costumes he designed for Beyoncé's upcoming world tour, and from the look of these illustrations, he succeeded.

EXCLUSIVE: DWTS' Holly Madison Injured With a Possible Broken Rib  —  Holly Madison is the latest Dancing With the Star competitor to get injured!  —  “She hurt herself last week while getting ready for the samba,” Madison's rep tells Usmagazine.com exclusively.  “There were lots of throws involved.

Somerhalder joins ‘Vampire Diaries’  —  Former ‘Lost’ actor added to CW drama pilot  —  Ian Somerhalder, who played Boone on ABC's hit “Lost,” has joined the cast of the CW's drama pilot “Vampire Diaries.”  —  Somerhalder is set to play Damon, a smug vampire who can go from playful to evil in a split second.

Vikki Blows Topless Pictures Get Me Loaded  —  Oh.  My.  God.  If these aren't the hottest, most incredible Vikki Blows topless pictures ever, I don't know what are.  This girl is absolute perfection in my book, and I can't believe that she actually takes her clothes off for a living.

CLORIS BARES HER STEAMY SIDE  —  CLORIS Leachman is 82, but the spry, Oscar-winning actress — who recently hoofed it on “Dancing with the Stars” — hasn't forgotten the hot hookups and wild flirtations of her younger days.  —  In her new memoir, “Cloris,” out next week from Kensington …

Ask Ausiello: Spoilers on ‘House,’ ‘Smallville,’ 'Grey's,' ‘24,’ ‘Ugly Betty,’ ‘Housewives,’ ‘Bones,’ ‘Big Love,’ ‘Lost,’ ‘The Office,’ and more!  —  Question: I'm so excited about the return of Chase and Cameron on House!  Do you have any insider info on what they'll be doing?  —Leigh

EXCLUSIVE: Canadian Mounties Called in To Protect Robert Pattinson  —  When you have the biggest heartthrob of the year on your hands, you have to do everything in your power to protect him.  Producers of New Moon, the second installment of the Twilight series, have called in some serious reinforcement …

Local Authorities Searching For Flo Rida's Tour Bus  —  It involves a shocking allegation involving a popular hip hop artist who was in town for a CD signing.  —  Lexington Police are now searching for Flo Rida's tour bus in several states on allegations of animal cruelty.

Kidman joins Woody Allen film  —  Los Angeles: Cast includes Banderas, Brolin, Hopkins — Nicole Kidman will star in Woody Allen's next film, joining the already announced cast of Antonio Banderas, Josh Brolin, Anthony Hopkins, Freida Pinto and Naomi Watts.