Charlie Sheen: Ashton's Going Down With the Ship  —  Charlie Sheen delivered the ultimate back-handed compliment to Ashton Kutcher, telling TMZ he's talented but the show will tank.  —  Charlie tells TMZ, “Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer ... Oh wait, so am I!!”

Emergency at ‘Dancing with the Stars’  —  “Dancing with the Stars” pro Kym Johnson was injured during rehearsals with her partner, Hines Ward.  —  An eyewitness tells “Extra” the dancing duo fell while practicing.  L.A. Fire Department confirmed to “Extra” that they dispatched a rescue ambulance to the “DWTS” rehearsal studios.

Baby due for Mike & Kelly  —  “Austin Powers” funnyman Mike Myers is to become a dad for the first time at age 47.  His new wife, Kelly Tisdale, is expecting and in her second trimester, Page Six has learned.  Tisdale, a co-founder of Lower East Side hipster cafe Teany …

Khloe Kardashian Rocks The Camel Toe In Times Square!  —  Try as they might, the government of NYC will never really be able to class up Times Square when you have the likes of Khloe Kardashian running around in a denim jumpsuit with camel toe.  What on earth is she thinking?

Lady Gaga Ends Her Long Romance With Luc Carl  —  Lady Gaga has split from her 30-year-old heavy-metal drummer boyfriend Luc Carl.  According to the Toronto Sun, in an interview that airs today (May 13), Gaga told Britain's the ‘Graham Norton Show,’ “No, I don't have a boyfriend and haven't been on any dates recently.”

Scammer calls social worker on Mariah Carey, husband says  —  Los Angeles (CNN) — New mother Mariah Carey got a hospital visit from a social worker this week, according to her husband, after someone complained that Carey was abusing her newborn twins by consuming alcohol and drugs while breastfeeding.

NBC rejects ‘Wonder Woman’  —  Well that was fun (to make fun of) while it lasted.  EW has learned that NBC passed on the much buzzed-about Wonder Woman pilot from David E. Kelley and Warner Bros. TV.  —  Kelley had penned a script that updated the comic book classic to have Diana Prince …

Oxygen Network BANS ‘Bad Girls Club’ Star  —  Former “Bad Girls Club” star Christina Hopkins has been BANNED from appearing on the Oxygen network EVER AGAIN following her vile, racist rant ... TMZ has confirmed.  —  A rep for Oxygen tells us, “Oxygen condemns those comments... she will never appear on Oxygen again.”

Lindsay Lohan vs. Gravity: Is Actress Jeopardizing Comeback With Bra-Free Lifestyle?  —  Lindsay Lohan may be making inroads to repair her broken brand, but even if she can stage a comeback with her upcoming Gotti movie project, more damage control could await the young starlet.

EXCLUSIVE: Sarah Michelle Gellar's ‘Ringer’ To Get Picked Up By CW, Disney Pulls Out  —  UPDATE: I hear ABC Studios, which co-produced the pilot for Ringer with CBS Studios, is pulling out from, citing that it cannot produce a series for the economics of CW.

White House Contacts Bieber — Can You Help Us Out?  —  Turns out Obama has some pull after all ... because TMZ has learned Justin Bieber has AGREED to help the President come through on a promise he made to a teenage girl last week.  —  Sources connected to the most powerful man on the planet …

‘Brothers & Sisters’ Canceled, As Is ‘V’  —  UPDATE: It's official, there will be no sixth season of ABC's family drama Brothers and Sisters.  And V won't return for a third season either.  ABC just made the calls.  PREVIOUS: Barring any last-minute miracle, it looks like this is the end …

Britney Spears ‘Mentally Incapable’ of Testifying in Court  —  And welcome to the exact moment she realized this wasn't a McDonald's and was tricked into dressin' all fancy again.  —  Remember Sam Lutfi, Britney Spears former “manager” who consistently drugged her when he wasn't threatening to piss on the graves of his enemies?

Jessica Alba in Another Bikini  —  Because they won't allow anyone out of the drunk tank before 9 AM in this town, I'm here to bring you more of Jessica Alba's pregnant boobs.  I know its appalling that Fish would make you wait to get another glimpse at Mother Nature's blessing …

Colin Farrell: I'm Surprisingly Monogamous  —  Despite his playboy reputation, Colin Farrell is a one-woman kind of guy.  —  During a Friday appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, the 34-year-old Horrible Bosses actor says he's single — and he's not exactly on the prowl, either.

Scarlett Johansson is “determined” to have Sean Penn's baby  —  The last we heard from Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson, they were grinding on each other at the White House Correspondents' Dinner a few weeks ago.  Because they're classy and deep, that's why.

EXCLUSIVE: Kings of Leon's Caleb Followill Weds Model Lily Aldridge!  —  And the bride wore...Vera Wang!  —  Victoria's Secret supermodel Lily Aldridge was a vision in white when she tied the knot with Kings of Leon rocker Caleb Followill in Santa Barbara, Calif. on Thursday night, a source tells Us Weekly exclusively.

NBC Picks Up Comedies Parham/St. Clair, ‘Bent’, Chelsea Handler, ‘Free Agents’, Passes On More Pilots  —  UPDATE: I hear NBC just picked up two more comedy pilots: romantic comedy Bent, starring Amanda Peet and David Walton, which I hear will probably be for midseason, and the untitled Parham/St. Clair project, now called BFFs.

Beautiful Women Falling Down: A Short Film  —  In honor of Bridesmaids, an ode to the clichés of romantic comedies. … — Tad Friend in The New Yorker, April 11, 2011