I See Dead People  —  Lindsay Lohan won't be touching any dead bodies during her stint on morgue duty this morning ... but TMZ has learned she's already come face to face with a real not-live human corpse.  —  Sources tell us ... Lindsay is on sheet-washing duty ... and she covered her mouth …

Lindsay Lohan's Mother Sells Her Down the River in Planned Memoir  —  Lindsay Lohan's mom is trying to expose her own daughter's dark secrets, blowing the lid off of Lindsay's alleged drug and alcohol use in a memoir that she's shopping around town — shopping it as recently as 2 weeks ago …

Kim Kardashian Is Pretending To Get A Divorce Already  —  Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries got married practically yesterday, but already numerous tabloids are reporting/reprinting press releases from Kris Jenner that it's not working out because of Kim's schedule.

Just A Bad Angle?  Haley Joel Osment Looks Pudgy  —  Haley Joel Osment attended the opening of “Red” at the Suzanne Roberts Theater in Philadelphia, Penn., yesterday.  The 23-year-old looks a little heftier than usual, but it could be a bad photo (see him in the one below).

Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel Together at His Premiere Party  —  Justin Timberlake; Jessica Biel (inset)  —  Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have remained friendly since their breakup earlier this year - but now it seems their romance may have been rekindled beyond bike rides.

EXCLUSIVE!  TAYLOR ARMSTRONG GETS THE BOOT!  —  Photo credit:  —  INF Daily  —  Blurb:  —  The ENQUIRER has learned TAYLOR ARMSTRONGhas been kicked off “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” . . .  Images:  —  The ENQUIRER has learned TAYLOR ARMSTRONGhas been kicked off …

Courtney Stodden Shopped Her Reality Show To MTV, Of Course  —  With Merv Griffin Entertainment producing Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison's reality show because apparently their marriage WASN'T about a love as pure as a man purchasing a child bride in the driven snow …

PIC: Natalie Portman Shows Off 4-Month-Old Son Aleph  —  They grow up so fast!  —  PHOTOS: Natalie's gorgeous pregnancy  —  Natalie Portman gave a rare glimpse of her adorable 4-month-old son Aleph while leaving a friend's house in L.A. Thursday.  The actress has kept a low-profile since giving birth …

Joseph Gordon-Levitt eyes Tarantino's ‘Unchained’  —  Thesp in talks for helmer's spaghetti Western  —  Nearly a month after dining with director Quentin Tarantino, “50/50” star Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in talks to join the cast of the helmer's spaghetti Western “Django Unchained.”

Regis Philbin: ‘Contractual Issues Forced Me To Leave LIVE!’  —  Regis Philbin is admitting publicly that “contractual issues” have forced him to leave his longstanding gig on LIVE! with Regis and Kelly, RadarOnline.com has learned.  —  The 80-year-old talk show veteran first announced …

Nothing Like A Pimp Selling Out Her Ho  —  The shocking news of the day is that White Oprah is redirecting the usual actions of her pimp hand from pushing her kids onto the ho stroll to pushing at her ghostwriter to do that extra line of powdered No Doz so they can finish her memoirs before her #1 ho gets thrown into jail.

Julie Bowen Will Only Have More Kids Through “Immaculate Conception”  —  Julie Bowen is a happy mother of three in real life and on ABC's Modern Family — and that's exactly how she wants to keep it.  —  PHOTOS: Modern Family - Secrets of the Set!  —  “Immaculate conception is the only way another kid is coming out of me!”

Kelly Clarkson  —  Pop princess, queen of grunge, just a regular girl, or all three?  Kelly Clarkson tells Alex Macpherson why breaking out of American Idol's mould has been a hard-won fight  —  'I want to punch Adele in the face!  “ Kelly Clarkson throws back her head and guffaws. ”

Child porn arrest made: Man was contestant on ‘Top Chef’  —  A Plano man featured last fall on season one of Top Chef's “Just Desserts” was indicted this month for possession of child pornography and is scheduled to appear before a Collin County judge Oct. 27.

Charlie Sheen — I'm ‘Extremely Disappointed’ with New ‘Two and a Half Men’  —  Charlie Sheen has once again turned on “Two and a Half Men” .... saying he's now “extremely disappointed” with the way producers are “handling what I left behind.”  —  Sheen was out in L.A. yesterday …

Chris Brown — MJ's Daughter Gets VIP Treatment at My Show!  —  Michael Jackson's daughter is in love with Chris Brown ... and last night at his L.A. concert, the singer made sure the King of Pop's little girl got nothing short of the royal treatment.  —  Sources close to Brown tell TMZ …

VIDEO: “Jersey Shore” Season 5 Sneak Peek - Pauly D Tans Until His Face Falls Off, Girls Hold Slut Contest  —  Have there really been five seasons of the “Jersey Shore” already?  —  Now that the “Jersey Shore” Season 4 finale has aired, the crew from Seaside Heights is pumped to be back in the States for more misadventures.

Bradley Cooper may cry ‘U.N.C.L.E.’  —  ‘Hangover’ thesp offered the Napoleon Solo role his CAA team fought for  —  EXCLUSIVE: After a whirlwind casting search that has seen Matt Damon and Johnny Depp pass on the lead role vacated by George Clooney, Bradley Cooper has emerged …

Exclusive: American Horror Story Casts Mena Suvari as Infamous Hollywood Murder Victim  —  American Horror Story is rolling out the welcome mat for a real American beauty.  —  Mena Suvari has been cast as a young woman who has a connection to the Harmon house.  —  Wait, it gets better.