Lindsay Lohan Morgue Duty — I See Dead People  —  Lindsay Lohan won't be touching any dead bodies during her stint on morgue duty this morning ... but TMZ has learned she's already come face to face with a real not-live human corpse.  —  Sources tell us ... Lindsay is on sheet-washing duty …

Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries — We're Not Breaking Up!  —  Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are NOT on the verge of a split ... not even close ... despite several screaming magazine covers and websites SWEARING they're headed for divorce.  —  In fact, TMZ has learned the newest story making …

Lindsay Lohan's Mother Sells Her Down the River in Planned Memoir  —  Lindsay Lohan's mom is trying to expose her own daughter's dark secrets, blowing the lid off of Lindsay's alleged drug and alcohol use in a memoir that she's shopping around town — shopping it as recently as 2 weeks ago …

Exclusive: Meet the Girl Rescued by Underwear-Clad Prince Harry!  —  Credit: Jon Furniss/WireImage.com; Sarah Baddeley  —  The next Kate Middleton?  —  Maybe, maybe not, but Lindsay Swagerty met a chivalrous Prince Harry — wearing only his skivvies! — by the pool at the Ivy Rooftop at the Andaz hotel Oct. 7.

Just A Bad Angle?  Haley Joel Osment Looks Pudgy  —  Haley Joel Osment attended the opening of “Red” at the Suzanne Roberts Theater in Philadelphia, Penn., yesterday.  The 23-year-old looks a little heftier than usual, but it could be a bad photo (see him in the one below).

Courtney Stodden Shopped Her Reality Show To MTV, Of Course  —  With Merv Griffin Entertainment producing Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison's reality show because apparently their marriage WASN'T about a love as pure as a man purchasing a child bride in the driven snow …

EXCLUSIVE!  TAYLOR ARMSTRONG GETS THE BOOT!  —  Photo credit:  —  INF Daily  —  Blurb:  —  The ENQUIRER has learned TAYLOR ARMSTRONGhas been kicked off “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” . . .  Images:  —  The ENQUIRER has learned TAYLOR ARMSTRONGhas been kicked off …

Charlie Sheen — ‘Extremely Disappointed’ with New ‘Two and a Half Men’  —  Charlie Sheen has once again turned on “Two and a Half Men” .... saying he's now “extremely disappointed” with the way producers are “handling what I left behind.”  —  Sheen was out in L.A. yesterday …

Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel Together at His Premiere Party  —  Justin Timberlake; Jessica Biel (inset)  —  Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have remained friendly since their breakup earlier this year - but now it seems their romance may have been rekindled beyond bike rides.

PIC: Natalie Portman Shows Off 4-Month-Old Son Aleph  —  They grow up so fast!  —  PHOTOS: Natalie's gorgeous pregnancy  —  Natalie Portman gave a rare glimpse of her adorable 4-month-old son Aleph while leaving a friend's house in L.A. Thursday.  The actress has kept a low-profile since giving birth …

Hey there, Salma Hayek  —  Salma Hayek at the premiere of Puss in Boots in San Francisco (10/19)  —  Salma Hayek wore her best '80s hair for the West Coast premiere of Puss in Boots in San Francisco on Wednesday, Oh, and she also wore a dress you could totally see through.

Exclusive: American Horror Story Casts Mena Suvari as Infamous Hollywood Murder Victim  —  American Horror Story is rolling out the welcome mat for a real American beauty.  —  Mena Suvari has been cast as a young woman who has a connection to the Harmon house.  —  Wait, it gets better.

Milla Jovovich — My New Movie Is Being Sabotaged By Our Own Producers  —  Milla Jovovich claims there is a diabolical plot to torpedo her new movie, “The Three Musketeers” ... and she's pointing the finger at the company that produced the flick.  —  Jovovich is calling “SHAME” …

Joseph Gordon-Levitt eyes Tarantino's ‘Unchained’  —  Thesp in talks for helmer's spaghetti Western  —  Nearly a month after dining with director Quentin Tarantino, “50/50” star Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in talks to join the cast of the helmer's spaghetti Western “Django Unchained.”

Nothing Like A Pimp Selling Out Her Ho  —  The shocking news of the day is that White Oprah is redirecting the usual actions of her pimp hand from pushing her kids onto the ho stroll to pushing at her ghostwriter to do that extra line of powdered No Doz so they can finish her memoirs before her #1 ho gets thrown into jail.

Regis Philbin: ‘Contractual Issues Forced Me To Leave LIVE!’  —  Regis Philbin is admitting publicly that “contractual issues” have forced him to leave his longstanding gig on LIVE! with Regis and Kelly, RadarOnline.com has learned.  —  The 80-year-old talk show veteran first announced …

Chris Brown — MJ's Daughter Gets VIP Treatment at My Show!  —  Michael Jackson's daughter is in love with Chris Brown ... and last night at his L.A. concert, the singer made sure the King of Pop's little girl got nothing short of the royal treatment.  —  Sources close to Brown tell TMZ …